It's Time
by ELB1
Summary: The kids have almost all left home and are starting their own lives. Elizabeth is questioning her life and her future and developing an unexpected friendship along the way. But is friendship all she wants or needs?
1. Chapter 1

Blake was sitting at his desk, pristine as ever, despite the fact that it was three o'clock in the morning and the team hadn't slept in two days. Nadine gave him a weary smile as she passed, heading towards the Secretary's office. Hearing her boss's voice, she slowed her approach and hovered just outside the open door. She would never interrupt the Secretary unless it was vital and the matter in hand could wait. It took Nadine a few seconds to adjust to the Secretary's lowered tone, and just as she realised it was a personal call the Secretary unexpectedly raised her voice.

"I'm sorry Henry, but I can't. I've still got a lot to do and everyone's still here working." Nadine heard the Secretary shift in her chair, the movement accompanied by a frustrated sigh. She was surprised when she heard the phone being returned to its cradle without any form of goodbye. The McCords were a solid unit and it bothered her that on the basis of what she'd just heard, or more accurately, not heard, there appeared to be a rift between them. Her boss needed her personal life to be as calm as possible and Henry had so far provided the stability which allowed his wife to commit as much as she had to her job.

Nadine cleared her throat before entering.

"Madame Secretary, it's past three. The rest of this can wait until the morning." She smiled at her boss, "well, until later this morning." She emphasised her point by looking at her watch. "Let me tell Blake to get your car." Nadine's heart swelled at the sight of her boss smiling up at her, her eyes tired, but still managing to look radiant. She was heart stompingly beautiful, and even tired and weary she was the most alluring woman Nadine had ever seen.

Nadine hadn't felt this degree of attraction to a woman in a long time; not since she'd been living in Paris and she and Amelia had had a glorious year together before Nadine had moved back to the States. She'd met her ex-husband soon after her return and had her son Roman, before moving onto a new life after law school working for then Senator Vincent Marsh before he was appointed Secretary of State. She thought of Amelia often. They would catch up when she passed through D.C., but it wasn't the same as having her around more often. She was a successful choreographer now and came to town when her dance company performed at the Kennedy Centre. This gave them a chance to see each other and Nadine would be spoiled and treated to the best seats available. Nadine smiled, remembering that she was going to be in town next week, a fact she had let slip from her mind in the chaos that had been the last few days.

Elizabeth ran her fingers through her blonde hair, pulling it back from her forehead - a gesture that never failed to set Nadine's pulse beating a little faster.

"I know Nadine, but I can't. I want to finish this paperwork. It's been a manic few days, for all of us, and I want to end the week feeling I have some semblance of control."

Nadine studied her boss. There was definitely something bothering her. She would often talk about the amount of work they all had. It was one of the reasons Elizabeth McCord was respected as much as she was by her staff. She was acutely aware of the long hours her staff put into their work and of the sacrifices that demanded from them, but Nadine had never heard her talk personally about feeling out of control.

"Ma'am?"

"I'm fine Nadine." Elizabeth dismissed Nadine's concern with a wave of her hand. She smiled and walked around the side of her desk; brushing Nadine's arm briefly as she passed her en route to the coffee pot sitting on the table by the sofa.

Nadine reflexively touched the spot on her arm where Elizabeth's warm touch now left what felt like a rapidly cooling gaping wound. She wanted to trap the remnants of the warmth before it bled out. She turned, intending to continue her attempt to get her boss to go home, but the sight that greeted her silenced her. Elizabeth was bent over the coffee pot, the material of the tailored black pants she was wearing stretched taught across her well toned butt. Nadine shook her head. _When did I become a horny teenager_ , she wondered, _it's like having a crush on the headmistress_.

Elizabeth flopped onto the sofa, putting one foot on the edge of the table and letting her head fall back. She patted the empty space next to her. "Sit," she instructed her chief-of-staff. Sensing Nadine's hesitation, Elizabeth said "Come on Nadine, sit with me for just a little while. Have a cup of coffee and keep me company." It was the gentle persuasion that finally broke Nadine's will and she perched on the edge of the sofa and poured herself a cup. She'd lost count of how many cups she'd had during the last twenty hours. She took a sip and a small sigh escaped her. She turned to meet Elizabeth's gaze, which despite being tired, held her with an affectionate gaze.

"I know that feeling well." Elizabeth said referring to the joy of hot coffee on a body on the edge of collapse. "At a time like this it's better than comfort food, a warm bath and sex." At Nadine's raised eyebrow, Elizabeth chuckled, "okay, maybe it's not better than sex, you're right." The laughter that bubbled from them both was warm, affectionate and a much needed release for both women after such a prolonged period of stress. This was how Blake found them as he knocked and walked into the office.

"Ma'am, Russell Jackson is on the phone."

"Well, if he's phoning instead of turning up unannounced, this can't be good," Elizabeth said. Rather than walking round to sit at her desk, she perched on the closest edge, taking off her glasses as she picked up the phone. It was a simple action, but Nadine felt her cheeks burn; Elizabeth McCord could make the most mundane action sexy as hell. She felt Blake's presence lingering at the door and turned to find him smirking at her. She pinned him with her best maternal, crossed with 'boss with firing capabilities', look and he hurried back to his desk. She'd been spotted, but she was relieved it had been Blake who'd been the one to notice her attraction to the Secretary. She doubted the other members of her team were that astute. Blake, however, was efficient, empathic and fiercely loyal to the Secretary. More importantly, he was also discreet and she doubted that her secret would ever be shared.

"Well, I was wrong - it was good news after all." The Secretary said as she put the phone. "India have agreed to hold off on the latest test until after the peace conference. The President just got off the phone with the Prime Minister and she's agreed."

"That's good news Ma'am." Nadine said once again standing and adopting the more formal stance she used when in her boss's company.

"Tell the team to go home Nadine, and that includes you as well." Elizabeth pinned Nadine with a pointed look. Nadine smiled, it appeared that her boss was getting to know her habits well and knew that unless ordered to, she would stay in her office for what little remained of the night.

"I'll get Blake to get your car Ma'am." Nadine was surprised by the flicker of trepidation that crossed the Secretary's face at the thought of going home. She'd gathered from the snippet of conversation she'd heard earlier that there was some discord, but the Secretary was usually over the moon to get back to her family, even if it was in the middle of the night.

"Yes, I suppose he should," she said looking out her office window.

"Ma'am?" Nadine wasn't sure if that was an agreement or a rhetorical statement.

"Yes, Blake can get the car." Elizabeth turned to look at her chief-of-staff. "And thank you Nadine, for everything. I don't say that enough, but I really am grateful for all the work you do to keep me afloat." Elizabeth said. Nadine was about to leave, but her boss took a step towards her. "I depend on you so much Nadine. I don't want you getting sick on me. So, get some rest."

"Yes Ma'am." Nadine was touched. It was rare for Elizabeth to show vulnerability; occasionally just a hint in front of her staff to remind them that she was human, but this felt different; far more personal.

"I will ma'am. Have a good what's left of the night and I'll see you tomorrow. I'll push back the staff meeting to nine to give everyone an extra hour if that's alright with you?"

"That's fine Nadine. I'll see you tomorrow." Nadine turned and left the office, aware that Elizabeth was still standing watching her retreating figure, making no move to go home.

Elizabeth ascended the steps to her front door slowly. She was tired; bone tired and she realised that her reluctance to enter wasn't as new as it felt. For months now home had ceased to be her refuge. Jason was staying with a school friend tonight cramming for finals. He'd be starting college in the fall and then the house would truly be empty. Stevie had moved into her own apartment after having briefly moved back home after her break-up with Jareth. She was happy and had a great job. She'd turned into an exceptional woman: beautiful, strong, disciplined and dedicated to becoming an instrument of change. Helping those who didn't have the money or the ability to help themselves. Elizabeth was so proud of her and they had grown even closer.

Alison was in her second year of college and looking towards post-grad in either New York or London. After a tough first couple of semesters, she'd happily confessed that she'd found her groove. Her designs were exquisite. She'd made a couple of outfits for Elizabeth that she loved. They were strong but with feminine lines that were comfortable for long days in the office but that held their shape and drew people's appreciative gazes, of which there had been many. Elizabeth had even noticed Nadine admiring them appreciatively.

Elizabeth smiled at the thought of her chief-of-staff. She hoped that Nadine had listened to her and gone home. She was well aware that without Nadine she'd be lost. Blake was her right hand man; without him she would have burned out long ago through lack of food, water, coffee and time with her family. But, without Nadine's quiet counsel and belief in her, even at a time that was personally devastating for Nadine, Elizabeth would have been far less effective than she had been. She was wise, warm and steadfast although Elizabeth sensed a loneliness in her that made her ache for her chief-of-staff.

At the top of the steps the agent opened the front door for her. "Thank you. See you in the morning."

As the door closed behind her, she found herself enveloped by a suffocating silence. Not sure what she had been expecting at three thirty in the morning she acknowledged that the silence came from an emptiness; an emptiness created by the absence her kids, but more revelatory was the acknowledgement of an emptiness within herself.

It was becoming more obvious to her that perhaps her relationship with Henry had run its course. Without their children around, there was little connecting them beyond work and friendship. Henry's intelligence work was going well and that kept them connected but it didn't bring them together as a couple. The phone call earlier had been a perfect example, but Henry still appeared to be clinging to the remnants of their old relationship; it was typical Henry, loyal to a fault even when that loyalty was no longer the sensible or viable choice.

Elizabeth stood at the bedroom door watching him sleep. As he so often did, he'd fallen asleep reading, his glasses perched on his nose and the book on Scottish saints splayed across his chest. He looked peaceful and she didn't want to disturb him, so she quietly grabbed a suit from the walk-in closet and went to the spare room to sleep for a few, much needed, hours. As she drifted off, she pictured her chief-of-staff and smiled; she'd put money on Nadine having slept on the sofa in her office tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

Nadine was irritable. It was bad enough that she'd only managed two hours sleep, but what was worse was that those hours had been spent on her office sofa and her dreams would definitely not have received a PG rating. They'd involved a surreal combination of Amelia, Paris and Elizabeth McCord. She'd found herself naked in the Paris apartment she'd shared with Amelia, making love to an equally naked Secretary of State. It wasn't until she'd woken up, aroused and frustrated that she'd realised just how similar Amelia and Elizabeth were; not just physically, but emotionally as people too.

If her dreams were telling her nothing else, they were putting her on notice that she had a type after all: Strong, powerful, devastatingly attractive women who weren't afraid to show emotion or vulnerability. Then there were the hands. Amelia had strong hands, as did Elizabeth. Strong and lean with long, powerful fingers that Nadine was sure would take control; be firm; demanding. _Great_ , she thought, _now I'm never going to be able to look at her hands again_.

And yet, throughout the day, the Secretary's hands were all Nadine could focus on — to the point that in the middle of a meeting Nadine noticed the Secretary surreptitiously glancing at them. She'd given Nadine a questioning look and all Nadine could do was give a small shake of her head and pray that the burning of her cheeks wasn't accompanied by a corresponding blush.

"What?" the Secretary asked. "Have I got pen on them?" She held both hands up examining them for non-existent marks.

"No Ma'am, there's nothing, I just zoned out for a bit. Apologies for staring." It'd been years since she'd blushed as much as she had in the past twenty-four hours and she was mortified at doing so now and more so at having been caught staring, probably lasciviously, at Elizabeth's hands.

Unprofessional as it was, she avoided the Secretary for as much of the day as possible until she was able to compartmentalise the memories of her dream from the daily routine in the office. She couldn't continue to have thoughts like this about her boss — particularly her straight, married, boss — and continue to do her job. So, over the next few days, she pushed all those thoughts aside, making sure she worked long and hard so in what little downtime she did have, she was too tired to think about Elizabeth. It was only in her dreams that her will betrayed her, and her sleeping mind ran wild with images that she craved but was simultaneously tormented by.

It was with relief that Nadine welcomed Amelia into her office the following Monday morning with a hug. She'd known Amelia for over thirty years; she was godmother to Roman and they knew each other inside out. Nadine craved the contact with her friend — the emotional as well as the physical. She and Amelia had always been tactile with each other; even before they'd been lovers. She missed having someone in her life who knew her, who would call her on any bullshit and who she could sit in silence with and yet know exactly what the other was thinking.

"Amelia, it's so good to see you." Nadine said gently. Amelia excelled at all encompassing hugs which, without fail, had always succeeded in relieving Nadine's tension. She could feel herself relaxing in her friends arms and the familiar comfort that this brought her soothed her. Amelia broke the hug first, holding Nadine at arms length and studying her. Nadine knew Amelia would have sensed her tension and now, no doubt, she'd want to know the reason for it.

"Nadine darling, is everything alright my sweet?"

"I'm fine," Nadine said, dismissing Amelia's concern with a shake of her head. "Come and sit with me — tell me everything." Nadine took her friend's hand and led her to the couch where they sat, fingers intertwined, and talked.

"So how is it, working for such a spectacular woman?" Amelia said grinning. Nadine gave her friend a wry smile. It was so typical of Amelia to get straight to the point.

"She's exceptional. Intelligent, strong, but with a gentleness, an empathy that still surprises me in a woman in her position."

'You're fond of her." It wasn't a question, but a statement, and Nadine found that she couldn't deny the fact to her friend as she would have to anyone else; to them she'd have passed it off as nothing but professional regard.

"Yes, I am." Amelia squeezed her hand as she admitted the fact quietly to Amelia, and for the first time aloud to herself.

"Nadine?" Both heads swivelled towards the door to see the Secretary of State leaning through the doorway, her hand steadying her on the doorjamb. Nadine immediately stood up at the sight of her boss and she watched with interest as Elizabeth followed the connection from her chief-of-staff, through linked hands, to Amelia.

"I'm interrupting. Sorry Nadine." Elizabeth said, hand up in apology as she began to retreat, although it appeared to Nadine she was reluctant to do so.

"No problem Ma'am. What can I do for you?" Nadine said beckoning the Secretary back into her office, where she acknowledged Nadine's guest with an apologetic nod. "Madam Secretary, allow me to introduce you to an old friend of mine, Amelia Rostoff." Nadine gently pulled Amelia to her feet.

Elizabeth did a double take at Amelia and turned a surprised look to Nadine. "Amelia Rostoff the choreographer?" She stepped forward eagerly, her hand extended. Amelia released Nadine's hand to shake the Secretary's. "It's such a pleasure to meet you Ms Rostoff, I'm a huge admirer of your work."

"Please, call me Amelia, Madam Secretary and the honour is all mine. I've told Nadine so very often how much I admire you and how lucky she is to be working for you." Nadine stood watching the two women interact; both gracious to the other and talking as if Nadine wasn't in the room.

"I'm the lucky one. Without Nadine by my side I'd be lost." Elizabeth smiled at Nadine, enjoying the sensation that came with being able to speak so truthfully to someone who was clearly close to Nadine. There was a lull in the conversation as Nadine savoured the unexpected comment. "Of course," Elizabeth tapped her forehead, "you're dance company is performing at the Kennedy Centre this week. I had hoped to get tickets, but it sold out so quickly I missed out."

"Nadine will always be able to get you tickets Madam Secretary. How many would you like? Just say the word and I'll arrange some for you."

Elizabeth smiled the infectious smile Nadine loved. "Well, I'm sorry to say, I'm the only dance fan in the family, so it would just be the one."

" _Mai oui_! _Parfait_! You can join Nadine in the box on Wednesday. It will be lovely, as long as you don't mind the choreographer popping in now and again to enjoy a glass of champagne with you both."

"That would be wonderful, and an extra-special treat," Elizabeth hesitated, "but I wouldn't want to impose on Nadine. I very much doubt she'd want to spend a rare night out of the office with me — after all, she sees me all day."

"Nonsense." Amelia dismissed Elizabeth's comment and looked at Nadine.

"It would be a pleasure to share the evening with you Ma'am. It's rare these days to have company on such evenings and it'll be lovely to enjoy it with someone," Nadine said, part of her regretting her honesty until she saw the happiness her response elicited.

"Well, as long as you're sure."

"It's settled," Amelia said clapping her hands together signifying a decision had been made and no argument would be tolerated. "I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday evening Madam Secretary."

"Was there something you needed from me Ma'am?" Nadine reminded Elizabeth that she must have come to her office with a purpose.

Elizabeth looked a little sheepish at the question. "I came to make sure that you planned on going home tonight and that you weren't sleeping on the sofa again."

Nadine was touched that Elizabeth would think of her. "I am Ma'am. I'm taking Amelia for an early pre-performance dinner and then treating myself to an early night."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. Have a lovely evening and Amelia, it was a pleasure to meet you. I'm looking forward to the performance on Wednesday and to seeing you again. I'll see you tomorrow Nadine."

"Woweee!" Amelia said as the door closed behind the Secretary. She threw herself back onto Nadine's sofa. "She's even sexier in person than on television. Just…wow."

"Amelia," Nadine warned, "I don't need you hitting on the Secretary of State of the United States of America." Amelia chuckled.

"Oh honey, I'm not planning on it. As sexy as she is she's not my type." Amelia beckoned Nadine to join her on the sofa. "You should though."

Nadine chocked on the mouthful of coffee she was in the middle of swallowing. Amelia playfully slapped her back. "What?" Nadine's voice appeared to have risen a couple of octaves from her usual low throaty tones.

"Well, from the way you looked at her, and from the way she was particularly intrigued by the fact I was holding your hand, I think you should. You never know, the Secretary may be ready for _une petite_ walk on the wild side."

"Oh Amelia, some things never change. You think everyone's gay."

"Well honey, often times they are."

"The Secretary is a happily married woman with three children and a gorgeous husband."

"Nadine, you know as well as I do that's not worth the Treaty its written on. And I also notice you're not denying that you're attracted to her."

"Amelia, you'd have to be dead and buried not to be attracted to Elizabeth McCord. The woman is stunning, as well as ridiculously intelligent and full of warmth. But I work for her. So, no. Let's move on."

"Okay honey," Amelia said. "For the moment," she added — but not quietly enough to avoid a gentle swat on the leg from Nadine.

Elizabeth sat at her desk, tapping a pen repeatedly on its surface. She was distracted, verging on irritated, and she had a vague sense it had something to do with having walked into her Chief-of-Staff's office to find her cosy on her couch, holding the hand of a glamorous and famous choreographer.

Nadine was always able to keep her slightly off-kilter, and Elizabeth wasn't used to that. As a top level CIA analyst, then as a hard-ass college professor and now as Secretary of State, she was used to being in total control, completely aware of her surroundings, able to read those around her from top diplomats to recalcitrant college students begging for an extension on their assignment, and she knew exactly how to handle both. But Nadine — she had no grip on.

She'd been working with the woman for a year before she learned that she had a son, and that before going to law school, had travelled Europe as part of a dance company. Until then, the only personal detail she knew about the Chief-of-Staff she'd inherited with the office, was that she'd had an affair with its previous occupant. But even that she'd had to drag from her. When Secretary Marsh died, Nadine showed none of the heartache she must have felt. She was a woman who played her cards close to her chest, not wanting to let anyone in; used to being in control of her life and destiny; used to not having to rely on anyone for anything.

She'd succeeded at law school while single handedly raising her son. And she'd succeeded in a world dominated by men. She was an amazing woman. And now Elizabeth had found her holding hands with _Amelia_. Elizabeth allowed a small chuckle at the petulant way she'd just said the choreographer's name in her head. She was acting like a jealous teenager — more so than any of her children ever had — all because Nadine apparently had a close relationship with someone and Elizabeth was finding that she didn't like the fact that she didn't know the woman she spent the majority of her days with as much as she'd like to.

She decided then and there that she was going to rectify that and she was looking forward to starting the process at the Kennedy Centre on Wednesday night, courtesy of…Elizabeth halted her internal thought process and forced herself to say the name aloud. "Amelia." She smiled to herself. _See, I can be mature when I want to be_.


	3. Chapter 3

Elizabeth peered at her reflection. It could only have been for the third time, but at the moment it felt like a much larger, unmentionable number. Her dress was long, simple and black, with a revealing slit up the left leg; but, after the second look in the mirror, she'd begun to worry whether she was showing a little too much leg as well as the expanse of decolletage. But, she took comfort in Alison's assurance when she'd bought it that it was perfectly respectable for a woman of her age, _the cheek. '_ You're still on the right side of the divide between hot and provocative mom'.

Although this was a rare private evening out, she would still be visible and it wouldn't do for the Secretary of State to be seen to be on the wrong side of that divide; _Elizabeth however?_ She stared at her reflection — had that been her aim this evening? To wear something a little more revealing than normal? Had she wanted to feel that risk of exposure? To see how Nadine would react?

Something between them had altered over the past week but she couldn't identify it. Was that where the colour in her cheeks had come from as she'd changed for the evening? Was that why the rhythm of her pulse had picked up the closer the evening got? She ran her hands through her hair and decided to leave it down, letting it fall over her exposed shoulders. She was perfectly respectably dressed for a night out with a —; with a what? What was Nadine? A member of staff, a colleague, an interesting person, a fascinating woman? Whoever she was, she was someone Elizabeth wanted to get to know better; someone she was realising she needed to know better.

Elizabeth had discovered that the constant shroud of mystery around her chief-of-staff had turned into her own personal cat nip, making her eager to discover more about her. But that didn't explain why she felt so nervous tonight; she didn't get nervous meeting world leaders so why tonight? But as she studied her reflection one last time, Elizabeth acknowledged that in those situations people were meeting the Secretary of State of the United States of America. Tonight, she'd simply be Elizabeth McCord. Yes, she'd still have the trappings of her job — a security detail outside the box, a cavalcade of secret service vehicles — but inside the box, with Nadine, she'd be Elizabeth. It had been a long time since she'd been just Elizabeth with anyone but her family — and recently even that had been limited. She wanted to be seen. She wanted Nadine to see _her_ — Elizabeth. Not the Secretary, not the boss, not the wife or mother. She wanted Nadine to see the person, the woman. She realised this feeling had been growing, and she couldn't remember a time when she'd longed so much to be truly seen for who she was, not what she was.

Despite Elizabeth's trepidation, they chatted easily on their journey from the office to the Kennedy Centre. It wasn't far, but it was enough time for Elizabeth to enjoy listening to Nadine's passionate views on dance. It was an entirely unfamiliar side Elizabeth was seeing of her chief-of-staff. The established, guarded persona Elizabeth saw every day in the office had been discarded and was replaced with a creative, sensitive, charming and delightful woman. Despite her lack of recent practice, Elizabeth was finding it easier than expected to relax into the creative bubble that Nadine was creating around her.

When they pulled up to the Kennedy Centre, they were met by Amelia's assistant who led them to their box where they were greeted by an exuberant Amelia.

"Ladies, welcome." She greeted each of them with a kiss on each cheek, a flute of champagne and a selection of canapés.

"Amelia, this is wonderful." Nadine said, squeezing Amelia's arm gently.

"Nothing's too good for you, my darling." Elizabeth was surprised to see colour rise in Nadine's cheeks, and in that moment Elizabeth found that she couldn't agree with Amelia more.

To save Nadine from any embarrassment she may have felt in front of her, Elizabeth, picked up the conversation. "Ms Rostoff, thank you for the invitation." Elizabeth turned to Nadine. "And thank you Nadine for allowing me to tag along and share this with you." Elizabeth clinked her glass against Nadine's and held her gaze, finding an unexpected depth of emotion still lingering from Amelia's words.

"Nonsense." Amelia waved her hand. "It's my pleasure. How often does a girl get to entertain two beautiful women at one time." Elizabeth bowed her head in acknowledgement of the compliment, "And please, call me Amelia."

"Oh Amelia," Nadine chuckled at her old friend's comment, "as outrageous as always my darling."

" _C'est vrai_ , but you would be disappointed if I changed." Amelia winked and raised her glass first to Nadine and then to Elizabeth. "Now ladies, I'm afraid I must leave you. I have a rather temperamental principal dancer who needs her nerves settled and ego stroked before curtain up, and I appear to be the only one who can — shall we say — distract her." Nadine groaned in mock despair at her friends blatant innuendo.

Amelia left the box blowing kisses to its occupants, and leaving Nadine laughing. "She's incorrigible," she said.

"She's a breath of fresh air." Elizabeth replied. "You're clearly very close. How long have you known each other?"

As they took their seats, Nadine topped up their glasses. "As much as I'm loath to admit it, I've known Amelia for thirty years. I was twenty-one, and had just arrived in Paris. Amelia was already there and well established but she still took a shy, gauche ingénue under her wing and she's been in my life ever since." The clear and unembarrassed affection that was evident when Nadine spoke of Amelia warmed Elizabeth's heart; she was pleased that Nadine had someone in her life who was a constant, who cared for her and protected her. But, she found herself feeling unexpectedly envious of Amelia. She knew it was irrational, but she'd learned over the years not to dismiss her feelings, even if she didn't understand them; she figured them out eventually. Trusting herself had saved her life and others on more than one occasion. The more time she was spending with her mysterious chief-of-staff, the more she wanted to solve the puzzle; put a strategic crack in the wall that Nadine used to protect herself. Perhaps some honesty would be a start.

"Nadine, you're a marvel." She said. "You're a constant source of surprises, and it's not often that I'm surprised. Listen, I know you like to keep your private life private, but I'm enjoying getting to know this alternate you. Thank you for letting me."

Before Nadine could respond, the house lights flashed a warning that the performance was about to begin and both women reached for their programme.

"I wonder if Amelia has managed to calm her leading lady's nerves?" Elizabeth asked with a conspiratorial smile and a raised eyebrow.

"Oh I'm sure she has." Nadine said. "Amelia is very good at distraction and making us forget anything but her." Just as the lights went down, Elizabeth smothered a triumphant smile as she watched realisation dawn on Nadine's face. Her inscrutable chief-of-staff had finally let slip something that she hadn't intended to, and Elizabeth found herself wanting to know a lot more.

The performance was exquisite, although Elizabeth found herself distracted by the pre-performance events. Nadine and Amelia's familiarity and closeness was apparent, and Elizabeth had enjoyed listening to their to-and-fro. The intimacy in their exchanges was undeniable; there was depth to their relationship. Elizabeth knew she had to figure out how to get Nadine to open up, or she'd just have to wait for her to make another slip.

Amelia had popped into the box during the first act, topped up their glasses and watched a few moments of the performance crouched between them, her hand resting on Nadine's shoulder. Elizabeth had heard her whispering something which made Nadine laugh quietly and slap Amelia's hand. Amelia had kissed Nadine's cheek, given them both a quick wave and hurried out of the box.

When the auditorium lights came up at the interval, Elizabeth sat back and watched while Nadine took a deep breath and sighed, almost as if she was bringing herself out of a meditative state. "That was wonderful. She really is a magnificent choreographer." Nadine turned to Elizabeth. "Did you enjoy it Ma'am?

"I loved it — it was beautiful and I'm looking forward to the second act." Nadine was about to stand when Elizabeth reached across, placing her hand on Nadine's leg. "Nadine — we're in this lovely box, looking fabulous, drinking expensive champagne and watching a beautiful performance — I don't want to be your boss tonight; I hope I'm your friend." Elizabeth squeezed Nadine's leg to emphasise her point. "So it's Elizabeth, not Ma'am, or Madam Secretary." Elizabeth held Nadine's gaze. "Agreed?" Nadine nodded, placing her hand on top of Elizabeth's.

"It's a deal," Nadine squeezed before letting go. "Come on Elizabeth, we've been summoned by our hostess for a little interval libation — not that I think I need any more, but Amelia doesn't really understand the concept of not getting what she wants."

Amelia's make-shift office contained a dozen or so people chatting animatedly to each other and their hostess. There was a brief appearance from the principal dancer who swept in to a round of applause, gave an elegant courtesy, kissed Amelia less than chastely and then swept out again. Nadine shook her head and grinned. "As I said, Amelia can make her leading ladies forget everything apart from her."

"Were you ever one of those leading ladies?" The words were out before Elizabeth could stop them, but she asked the question softly so only Nadine could hear it under the chatter around them. Nadine froze momentarily, her glass of scotch half way to her lips, but she recovered quickly and took a sip.

"I was never talented enough to be a leading lady Elizabeth." She smiled self-deprecatingly over the top of her glass. They held each others gaze, both acutely aware that the question hadn't been answered. Unusually, Elizabeth backed off first, just as Amelia joined them.

"Are you two enjoying yourselves?" she said, encircling an arm around each of her guests.

"We're having a lovely time." Elizabeth said.

"And is Nadine looking after you and being on her best behaviour?" Amelia teased.

"She's being thoroughly charming." Elizabeth smiled at her companion.

"Yes, our Nadine can indeed be charming when she puts her mind to it." Amelia kissed Nadine's cheek. "I won't see you after the performance I'm afraid. I have to flatter the sponsors over dinner. It's been a pleasure meeting you Madam Secretary — I hope that I'll meet you again before too long." Amelia shook Elizabeth's hand then took Nadine's hands in hers. " _Bonne nuit mon cherie_. Dinner tomorrow after the show?" Nadine nodded her agreement. "Till then darling," she said leaning in and kissing Nadine on the lips before disappearing into the centre of the group of people nearby.

"Shall we head back to our box?" Nadine said, aware that after tonight Elizabeth would likely have more questions than she had when Nadine had told her she'd had an affair with her predecessor. The question was, would she ask them or leave them unspoken. How serious was Elizabeth about becoming her friend?

Elizabeth found herself more distracted during the second act than she had been during the first. Interspersed with the on stage love story, she was having flashbacks of the principal dancer kissing Amelia and of Amelia kissing Nadine. While the second kiss was chaste in comparison to the first, it spoke of an intimacy that came with a history.

Elizabeth didn't interfere in her staffs' lives unless she had to. This was different though; she didn't want to interfere, but she did want to know more. She wanted to know what lay beneath the professional, always prepared facade of her chief-of-staff. Elizabeth reminded herself that she was an ex-CIA analyst and currently her country's top diplomat. She had more than enough game to get what she wanted. She was going to get to know Nadine Tolliver: Friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Nadine sprinkled the chopped coriander over the vegetable curry while she and Amelia chatted. It was rare that she got to cook these days and she'd thoroughly enjoyed it, almost as much as the conversation. Spending time with Amelia was one of her favourite things to do and this was exactly why. They were comfortable together. They'd been lovers for just over a year, followed by decades of friendship. Nothing of significance had happened to either of them that the other wasn't aware of; they'd offered counsel and support to each other at all the significant times in each others lives. Amelia was the person holding Nadine's hand and who'd cut the cord when she'd given birth to Roman. They were connected in a way that Nadine had never been to any other person and she was positive that Amelia felt the same.

As she moved around the kitchen preparing the plates, she was aware of Amelia watching her.

"It's been a long time since we've cooked together." Amelia said.

Nadine laughed. "We've never cooked together Amelia. I'm the one who always cooks while you sit around watching, trying your best to look alluring, sipping a glass of wine."

"Details, details. You know what I mean." Amelia said, dismissing Nadine's teasing.

"Did you and the captivating Madam Secretary enjoy your evening yesterday?"

"We really did Amelia. Thank you again. I hadn't realised Elizabeth was such a fan of dance and theatre, but then, as she said, she rarely gets a chance to go out, and I can certainly relate when she says that the appeal diminishes when you have to go on your own. She asked me to pass on her thanks again to you this evening."

Nadine's final meeting of the day had been with Elizabeth and the assistant secretary for East Asia. After the meeting and when they were alone, she'd been pleasantly surprised when Elizabeth had begun chatting about the previous evening. Nadine had watched with interest as the mantel of Secretary of State was shed and the Elizabeth that Nadine had got to experience the night before was revealed. Elizabeth had been interested in what Nadine and Amelia's plans were for the evening and Nadine had explained that she was cooking for them both at her apartment. Nadine had watched curiously as a flicker of some nameless emotion passed across Elizabeth's face before it disappeared and Elizabeth began peppering her with questions about what she intended to cook. When she'd left the office half an hour later, she was already running late if she hoped to get to the store and be home before Amelia arrived. The informal time that she'd spent with Elizabeth had been as unexpected as it was exciting.

They'd made tentative inroads into areas of their lives that were personal rather than professional. Elizabeth had even confessed that when she was five she'd declared to her parents that she wanted to be a dancer. "Really?" Nadine had tried to keep the incredulity out of her voice. Having watched Elizabeth in action over the last three years, nothing about her had screamed 'When I was a little girl I wanted to be ballerina'.

"You may mock," Elizabeth had said, "but my mom told me I had talent —I blame Mrs Sylvester." Nadine had looked quizzically at Elizabeth who'd clarified, "she was my ballet teacher. She told me that if I was serious about becoming a ballerina then I'd have to stop climbing trees and riding horses." Elizabeth had laughed, but Nadine had sensed a bittersweetness to it and guessed it was due to the memory of her mother. "I'd put money on my mom having fed her the lines. She knew those were the two things that I'd never give up; the riding because I loved it and climbing trees because I could escape from my brother who was terrible at climbing trees."

"But why would she want you to stop?" Nadine had asked.

"Let's just say that I think Mrs Sylvester and my mom both agreed that my skills lay more in riding, climbing trees…and well, in almost anything other than dancing." They'd laughed, and then eased into an easy silence; Elizabeth lost in her memories and Nadine trying, but failing, to imagine a young Elizabeth in tutu and tights. Imaging young Elizabeth as a tomboy, riding around and climbing trees however took no effort. Without warning though, a vision of Elizabeth as Nadine had seen her last year at the farm had appeared. Nadine had had to go and collect her for an emergency meeting at the White House. When the car had pulled up to the farmhouse, the agent at the door had explained that the Secretary wasn't in the house and he'd pointed to the adjacent field; and there she'd been, riding towards her on her favourite horse, hair mussed from the wind, face glowing and carrying the biggest smile Nadine had seen. She looked like she hadn't a care in the world and the memory was dazzling.

Nadine had then found herself losing herself in the real Elizabeth's eyes, warm and bright from laughing at the memory of her young self. _God, but she's beautiful_ was the last thought Nadine had before she'd begun extricating herself with the excuse that she needed to get going if Amelia wasn't going to starve. At that moment, however, Nadine couldn't have cared less if Amelia had starved so long as she could have spent just a little more time with with Elizabeth; which was exactly the reason she'd left as soon as she could.

But even now, pottering around her kitchen, she couldn't shake the warm ache that had settled in her chest when she'd been with Elizabeth earlier.

"She sent me a lovely handwritten note thanking me for the evening. She's witty and charming, even on paper." Amelia said.

"Really?" Nadine said. "She didn't mention it, although I'm not surprised; but usually I'd arrange that for her."

"I think this was from the woman rather than the office — it was on her personal stationary. There wasn't an official seal in sight."

"Oh." Nadine tried to ignore the edge that had creeped into her tone. She wasn't sure what she was snippy about, but she was. "Well, that was kind of her."

Amelia chuckled. "Jealous?" Nadine turned away from Amelia to put the empty pan in the sink. "Not at all, I just forgot that yesterday wasn't a professional event." Nadine collected the plates and walked over to the dining table, Amelia following behind her.

"And did you enjoy socialising with such a beautiful woman?" Amelia asked after savouring her first bite. "Your last paramour certainly wasn't in her league. I never quite understood what you saw in the man." Amelia jumped as Nadine slammed her cutlery against her plate.

"Amelia, we've been over this. The man's dead and it turns out I was a fool. End of story. Elizabeth McCord is not my paramour, as you so quaintly put it, and she never will be. I'm not making that mistake again." There was silence as Nadine picked up her cutlery and they continued eating.

"Well, I suppose it would look like you're a label queen if you decided to have an affair with every Secretary of State who waltzed through the door." A raised eyebrow and withering look was the only response Amelia got.

"Blake, can you find Nadine for me please. I want to go over the schedule for the trip to the United Kingdom."

"Yes Ma'am, I'll ferret her out." Elizabeth saw a slight frown cross Blake's face before he turned to leave.

"Is something wrong Blake?" Elizabeth's fears were allayed when Blake turned around and she saw him grinning.

"She said she's just _tired_ Ma'am." Blake said, using finger quotations to emphasise the 'tired'. Elizabeth was surprised. In all the time she'd worked with Nadine, she'd never seen her hungover, which is what she was if she'd interpreted Blake's finger charade correctly. _This could be fun_.

Hearing a brief knock on her office door, Nadine lifted her head from where it was slumped in her hands and looked up from her desk. She stood up when the Secretary walked in, grimacing slightly at the throbbing the movement caused in her head. "Ma'am, how can I help you."

She watched silently as Elizabeth poured a glass of water and sat on the sofa. "You can start by coming over here, sitting down and taking these." Nadine smiled as she looked at the two advil that lay on her boss's proffered palm.

"Blake," was all Nadine said as she made her way to the sofa, resigned to the fact that she was hungover and her boss knew it. She took the pills and swallowed them down with the water and then proceeded to finish the glass.

"De-hydrated much?" Elizabeth chuckled at the sideways glare Nadine directed her way. She liked that Nadine wasn't standing on ceremony.

"I'm a petite woman who can't drink as much as I used to, and I sometimes forget that detail when Amelia's around. She's a bad influence on me."

Elizabeth laughed at Nadine grimace. "You had a good night then?" Elizabeth was intrigued about their evening — she may even have thought about it a time or twenty last night as she'd worked late alone in her office, missing knowing that Nadine was just along the corridor.

"We did," Nadine couldn't help smiling at the memory of the evening despite the hangover. "I cooked dinner and we spent the evening, and what felt like the early hours of the morning, catching up. It's rare that we get this amount of time together so we tend to cram in as much as we can, when we can."

"Friendships like that are rare. You're a lucky woman." The wistfulness in Elizabeth's voice wasn't missed by either of them.

"Ma'am, I apologise for not being at my best today." Nadine was stopped from continuing by Elizabeth grasping her hand.

Turning and looking directly at Nadine, Elizabeth said, "Nadine, it's fine. We're all human — even you. We'll cope without you being at your peak." Elizabeth smiled, enjoying the feeling of Nadine's hand in hers. "I think I'll even enjoy the illusion of being the boss for a couple of hours and getting to look after you for a change."

Elizabeth relaxed back into the sofa again. The silence that enveloped them was comfortable, as was the warmth that each found in the touch of the other where their hands rested on the sofa between them. Nadine knew she was in danger of letting her feelings for the woman sitting next to her to race out of control. She also knew that she should disengage her hand from Elizabeth's grasp; but while she resolved to watch her step, she wasn't willing to deny herself this moment of peace.

When Blake came to find his errant boss sometime later, Nadine was surprised when Elizabeth didn't disengage their hands. She held onto it until Blake made it clear that she really needed to get back to her own office. With one final squeeze, Elizabeth reluctantly rose from Nadine's sofa, smoothing down the wrinkles on the front of her skirt. Looking down at her weary looking chief-of-staff she smiled. "Look after yourself and take it easy today."

"Yes Ma'am." Nadine sketched a mock salute in response. Elizabeth smirked as she turned to walk through the door being held open by an impatient Blake. "And don't forget to hydrate." She said as the door swung shut behind her.

Nadine smiled and placed her head gently against the back of the sofa. She hadn't moved her hand from where it had sat cradled in Elizabeth's. She could still feel the strength and warmth radiating around it. She tried to analyse the last few minutes; _why had Elizabeth sat and held her hand? Why had she sounded to wistful discussing Nadine and Amelia's friendship?_ She must have experienced a similar friendship in her life Nadine thought, but then again, a life in the CIA probably wasn't one that encouraged close friendships, and then she'd been burned by the one friend she did have.

When she thought of the loneliness Elizabeth's career must have brought her, it made Nadine's heart ache; and it wasn't just her time with the CIA. Life as the Secretary of State didn't exactly allow the time or the possibility of developing friendships. But Elizabeth had made the overture to become her friend, and Nadine couldn't help but find the prospect thrilling.

As Elizabeth was ushered back to her office by a clearly agitated Blake, she was aware of the tingling in the palm of her hand which, until a few moments ago, had held Nadine's. She rubbed it gently with the tips of her fingers as she approached her desk. _What had possessed her to hold onto it for as long as she had_. She hoped that Nadine hadn't been freaked out by it, but when she thought about it logically, she knew she hadn't been. They'd shared a rare moment of peace and contentment together and Elizabeth knew it wouldn't have existed if Nadine had felt uncomfortable with the physical contact. Elizabeth realised that she could quite happily have remained in that exact position all day; contentment wasn't something she'd experienced in a while.

Her smile dissolved as thoughts of Henry pierced through her contented bubble. It wasn't surprising that thoughts of him had appeared given the contrast of what she'd just experienced with how she felt more and more when she was around him. She couldn't remember the last time she'd shared space with Henry and felt relaxed. Their relationship was disintegrating; they'd become strangers over the last six months as her job had taken up most of her energies and his work with the NSA and CIA had made him obsessive, distant and angry. The Henry that she'd fallen in love with and who she'd raised three amazing children with was no longer to be found in the man she was married to. Even the kids had begun to notice the difference. She was lonely, but she couldn't help the smile that appeared at the certain knowledge that her growing friendship with Nadine was beginning to fill the holes left by that loneliness.


	5. Chapter 5

For the next few weeks Elizabeth and her staff worked constantly. One crisis followed another and in between fire fighting various diplomatic disasters, the staff negotiated and planned the Secretary's visit to Europe. It was a trip that was vital to the interests of the United States and the Secretary would be visiting the United Kingdom, Paris and Berlin. The United Kingdom was arguably the United States' closest ally and fellow member of NATO. With the advent of Brexit in the next couple of years, it was important for both nations to maintain a close relationship. It was also vital for national, as well as international security.

Although the relationship between the two countries wasn't without it's difficulties, it was generally considered one of the most stress free of International trips and the staff were looking forward to it. The Secretary had indicated that she wanted some time to relax while she was away, so plenty of down time had been scheduled between meetings, which also meant some downtime for the staff too. The Paris and Berlin legs of the trip would be brief, but just as important for the United States's ongoing relationship with the European Union, particularly as the United Kingdom would soon cease to be their closest allay within the European Union.

Elizabeth looked up from reviewing the final trip schedule when she heard a knock on her office door. "Nadine," Elizabeth smiled at her chief-of-staff. She found that smiling had become her default position recently whenever she saw Nadine. She'd realised it one day while passing Nadine's office; she'd caught her reflection on the glass door and what she'd seen there had surprised her; she looked relaxed and happy. That's when she'd realised that that was exactly how she felt when she was around Nadine. The older woman had an ability to soothe her.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to talk to you about a staffing matter that's come up relating to the trip next week."

"Sure, have a seat Nadine." Elizabeth said, already moving towards the sofa. This was where they tended to spend much of their time together while in Elizabeth's office. Most official business was carried out at her desk, but it was rare for a day to pass when the two women weren't to be found after hours, nestled on the sofa, talking. It was usually where Blake would find them when he was trying to get his boss to go home, and it was where any of the senior staff knew they'd find Nadine if she wasn't in her office. But, unless it was urgent, they usually left them in peace. It was also the place where Elizabeth ceased to be the boss and became Nadine's friend.

The staff had noticed the growing friendship between the two women. Both appeared happier and more relaxed and that benefited the whole team.

"What's up Nadine?"

"I'm afraid there's going to have to be a change in personnel for the upcoming trip. There's a conference that Russell Jackson is due to attend next week but he can't get away from the White House at the moment so he's delegated his attendance to me."

"You've got to be kidding me, Nadine. He can't do that - we leave in two days" Elizabeth stood, and began pacing in front of her desk. "You work for me, not him. He can't just decide that he wants to hijack my most valued member of staff. That's completely out of line Nadine."

Nadine was taken aback, but pleased by the vehemence of Elizabeth's reaction. She'd been crushed when Russell'd issued his edict a few minutes ago in his usual dictatorial fashion. A sense of loss and helplessness had overwhelmed her, but she was finding comfort in Elizabeth's anger and outrage.

"Ma'am, thank you, but it'll be fine. Jay will be with you and he's up to speed on all aspects of the trip."

"Damn it Nadine, don't Ma'am me. I'm pissed, and as capable as Jay is, I don't want him by my side during this trip, I want you."

Elizabeth stopped pacing and stared at her friend. The shocked but gentle smile she saw on Nadine's face made her review her words. She couldn't deny the truth of them. She wanted Nadine with her during this trip. She knew that Jay was more than capable to take on Nadine's role, but she didn't just want a chief-of-staff with her on the trip, she wanted Nadine. She had plans for them when they were in London, and she was looking forward to sharing time with her outside of the seventh floor and formal events. Her job didn't leave her much free time and any that she did have was traditionally spent with her family; for once she wanted to forget about both and spend quality time with Nadine, not just snatched conversations here and there between the last meeting of the day and going home to an increasingly empty house. This was their opportunity to do what friends did and she damn well wasn't going to let Russell Jackson ruin it for them.

"If Jay's capable of taking your place on the trip Nadine," Elizabeth said, "then he's capable of replacing you and Russell at whatever conference he's ducking out of. It'll also mean that he won't have to be away from Chloe for so long. So it's a win-win." Elizabeth sat back down on the sofa.

"I'd be grateful if you'd convey my decision to the White House Chief-of-Staff Nadine and let him know that if he has a problem with my decision — then tough. You and I are going to Europe and that's final." Nadine smiled at her friend.

"Yes Ma'am." She said - enjoying the full throated laugh that came from Elizabeth.

"Take-out? I'm starving." Elizabeth asked, but before Nadine could answer, a brief knock interrupted and Blake appeared. Nadine assumed he was there to send the Secretary home for the evening, but looking at the apprehension on his face, she decided that wasn't the case afterall, and she was right.

"Ma'am." Blake said, looking from one to the other. "Dr McCord just called. He's on his way and asked me to let you know that if you've got time, he'd like to take you out for dinner." Blake gave Nadine a look she refused to interpret and turned to leave. "I'll let you know when he arrives Ma'am."

"Thanks Blake." Elizabeth said sinking down into the sofa and Nadine turned at the note of weariness in her voice, but remained silent. Clearly Elizabeth wasn't thrilled at Blake's news and again Nadine wondered what was going on in the McCord household. Elizabeth reached out and laid her hand on Nadine's arm and Nadine couldn't help but look down at it, enjoying the warmth as well as the visceral reaction from seeing as well as feeling Elizabeth's touch.

"Rain check?" Elizabeth said squeezing Nadine's arm but not letting go.

"Sure." Nadine placed her hand on top of Elizabeth's. "Anytime." And she meant it. She knew she'd never refuse an opportunity to spend time with this woman.

Henry and Elizabeth had agreed on their local Chinese restaurant for a quick bite to eat on their way home. "You seem distracted." Henry said. "Is everything going okay with the trip?"

"Sorry Henry, yes. Everything's fine, or at least it will be once Russell Jackson realises he can't interfere with my staff." Elizabeth negotiated her chopsticks around an errant prawn.

"What'd he do this time?" Henry laughed. He was used to Elizabeth's rants about the incorrigible antics of the White House Chief-of-Staff.

"He had the gall to order Nadine to give up her place on the trip to go to some conference that he couldn't be bothered going to himself. Nadine was all set to send Jay to London with me in her place." Elizabeth snapped her jaw closed over the prawn.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I told Nadine that there's no way I'm going on this trip without her; Jay can go to the conference in Russell's place. We've put a lot of time into this visit — Russell isn't going to ruin it."

"Good." Henry said. "I'm glad Nadine's going with you. I know we decided that I didn't really need to go, but I feel better knowing that she's going to be with you."

"Me too." Elizabeth said. It had been easy for her to dissuade Henry from making the trip. Professionally he didn't have the time, and personally, she knew that she'd be more relaxed on her own.

"I like Nadine; she's good for you. Keeps you balanced."

"She does. She's such an interesting woman Henry, every time I learn something new about her another layer's unpeeled. I remember when I first met her she came across as this controlled, by the book hard ass, but there's so much depth to her. I'm loving getting to know her properly."

"Good. And how are you generally babe. It feels like we haven't seen each other in a while."

"I'm okay Henry, just tired. I guess between one thing and another we haven't had much time together recently."

"No." Henry looked down at his plate. "Maybe when you get back we can talk; spend some time together." Elizabeth was surprised by this; Henry sounded hesitant, unsure of what it was he wanted to say, and Henry never stumbled over words. He was always eloquent and considered when he spoke.

"Of course we can. I'll have some time after this trip; we can have a proper catch up when I'm back." She felt that neither of them were really saying what they meant; that they were both skirting the real issue, but she wasn't going to think about that now. She had to concentrate on the trip and she was going to enjoy the next ten days as much as she could before coming home and dealing with whatever the future held. In the meantime, she'd take the mature route and bury her head in the sand.


	6. Chapter 6

"My god, that man is unbelievable." Daisy threw her notebook down on the table. "How on earth does someone like that become the British Foreign Secretary?"

Nadine chuckled gently. "I think that's what the opposition party as well as a large part of the population wonder as well."

"I think the term most commonly associated with him was 'buffoon',"Blake said weighing into the conversation, "that is until Brexit and his appointment. Now I think instead of being amused by his antics, he's generally considered a liability."

"You did very well Ma'am." Daisy said. They'd all been impressed with the Secretary's ability to get their point across about the difficulties of a bi-lateral trade agreement while subtly reminding him that this was their choice and that there was a perfectly good trade agreement already in place between the European Union and the United States.

They'd gathered in the main conference room of the U.S. Embassy which they were using as their main base of operations while they were in London. It was a new building and they'd been given a tour when they arrived. The Secretary was standing at the window looking out over the dark waters of the Thames. It was a grey morning, but her spirits were still bright. She had, what she hoped was going to be, a fun afternoon ahead.

"Right everyone, go have some fun. There's nothing on the schedule until this evening, so go see the sights and try not to get into any trouble." Matt, Daisy and a couple of younger aides didn't need to be asked twice and were headed out the door almost before the Secretary had finished.

"Blake?" The Secretary turned to her assistant.

"All set Ma'am," he replied cryptically.

"Nadine — if you don't have anything else planned, I could use your company this afternoon."

"Of course Ma'am." Nadine said, intrigued. As far as she was aware there was nothing on the Secretary's private schedule for this afternoon. Perhaps the Secretary had arranged a meeting without her knowledge, but that would be very unusual and highly unlikely.

"Right Blake, if you could arrange for the car that would be great and we'll get going."

"Will do Ma'am." Blake picked up the phone to make the call. "They'll be downstairs in a couple of minutes Ma'am."

"Right then, lets get this adventure underway." Elizabeth winked at Blake. "Thanks for your help Blake. Have a good afternoon and we'll see you at the Theatre this evening?"

"Wouldn't miss it Ma'am. I've been trying to get tickets for three years. I can't believe I've had to come to London to see it."

"It wasn't easy to get them, but thankfully sometimes being the Secretary of State has some advantages."

"Have a fun afternoon ladies." Blake said, holding the door open for them.

Throughout this exchange Nadine had remained quiet, confused about what had been planned and surprised that Blake knew more than she did. Nadine had thought those days were over.

It wasn't until Nadine and Elizabeth were in the car and the motorcade was moving that Nadine addressed the Secretary with the unspoken question. "If you don't mind me asking Ma'am, where are we going? Do you have a meeting that I don't know about?"

Elizabeth smiled at Nadine, amused by her confusion. "No Nadine, we're off the clock — we're going on a little sight seeing tour. But first lunch. After all, I promised you a rain check last week."

"And where are we going." Nadine asked. She wasn't expecting this but was excited by the prospect of playing tourist with Elizabeth and she immediately relaxed.

"Well, first stop is The Ivy for lunch." Elizabeth was ridiculously pleased by the beaming smile that spread across Nadine's face. "And not the bar and grill, but the original. We're going to hang out with the ghosts of the West End. As they crossed over Westminster Bridge Nadine pointed towards the Palace of Westminster. She'd spent some time in London in her younger days and was thrilled to be revisiting her old haunts. She couldn't have imagined that she'd be back in London travelling in a motorcade with the woman sitting beside her.

"It's such a shame we can't see Big Ben in all it's glory. It's not quite the same covered in scaffolding, but at least it's still a useful place marker." They turned east, moving closer to their destination and pointed out sights to each other as their cars eased through London traffic.

"It's so cute how excited Blake is about seeing Hamilton tonight." Nadine said, a little excited herself.

"Never mind Blake, I'm bordering on apoplectic with anticipation. I may lose the love of my children, but I don't care. Bring it on." Elizabeth laughed. "All three of them threatened to disown me if I managed to get tickets and not bring them. Apparently the fact that I'm seeing it in London doesn't get me off the hook."

Once seated in a quiet table in the corner they ordered and looked around. "It feels slightly strange to come to The Ivy and ask for a table that is relatively discreet, considering it's probably the place most people come to be seen." Nadine commented looking around the room and seeing quite a few well known faces; but although their initial arrival had caused quite a bit of excitement, most people had gone back to their own conversations.

"And that's the positive as well. They've already forgotten about me and have moved on." Elizabeth looked up as a waiter approached.

"Ladies, your champagne." He put the ice bucket and stand next to the table and opened the bottle pouring a glass for them both.

Nadine watched the bubbles race to the top of their glasses as they were poured, then looked at her companion. "And what's the occasion?" Elizabeth hadn't ordered the champagne when they'd arrived, which Nadine assumed meant that she'd arranged for it in advance.

Elizabeth raised her glass and Nadine did the same. "To enjoying our trip and getting to spend some time together." They clinked glasses and took a sip. "Oh that's good." Elizabeth closed her eyes as the bubbles danced on her tongue. You do realise that we've only spent a few hours together that have been non-work related or out of the office in the entire time we've known each other?"

"I know, it's surreal. It doesn't feel like it though Elizabeth. I think we've come a long way in just a few weeks, but I will admit that as comfortable as the sofa in your office is, this is much more enjoyable."

"And this," Elizabeth indicated towards the waiter who was heading towards their table with two plates, "looks decidedly more appetising than the Chinese take-out I offered you last week."

After a leisurely lunch, they were sharing a cheese board, when Nadine noticed Elizabeth checking her watch.

"Is there somewhere you need to be?" She asked, disappointed at the thought that their afternoon together may be coming to an end.

"There is, but we both need to be there. It's only a few blocks away, but unfortunately diplomatic security won't let us walk, so it's back to the car and then one more quick stop. You still up for it?"

"Oh I'm game. I'm having a wonderful time so far."

Elizabeth had been right, they only travelled a few streets away. Nadine was intrigued as she recognised Covent Garden, and then confused when she found they were pulling up outside the Royal Opera House. Nadine looked at the beautiful classical columns and then turned to Elizabeth, clearly sporting a confused look as Elizabeth chuckled and grabbed her hand.

"Come on Nadine, we've got a date with the Royal Opera House." Before Nadine could respond she'd been pulled out of the car and Elizabeth had led her by the hand towards the main entrance. A man stepped out from the main door to greet them.

"Madam Secretary, Ms Tolliver, welcome to the Royal Opera House. I hope you'll enjoy your afternoon with us." The Chief Executive welcomed them both.

"Thank you so much for having us and allowing us to enjoy such a wonderful experience. We really are very grateful."

"It's our pleasure Ma'am — any friend of Ms Rostoff is a friend of ours." At the mention of Amelia's name, Nadine looked at Elizabeth who tried to look innocent, but the wink she threw at Nadine spoke otherwise.

"I'll leave you in the capable hands of Jane; she's our head tour guide. She'll show you whatever you'd like to see, and no doubt an awful lot more. She's awfully enthusiastic about the Royal Opera House and it's history and she has a little treat in store for you that I think that you're aware of Madam Secretary?"

"I am indeed, but let's keep it a secret from Ms Tolliver for just a little bit longer shall we?"

Nadine was amazed. She was about to go on a tour of the Royal Opera House with Elizabeth and she hadn't had to plan a thing. Apparently Elizabeth and Amelia had been in cahoots. She'd figure out how she felt about that later. In the meantime she planned on savouring the experience.

Jane led them through a maze of corridors, pointing out various points of interest. She was engaging and knowledgeable and they found themselves being led seamlessly throughout the back stage area and into the bowels of the building, through the various departments: orchestral, production design, costume, make-up and props. It was sometime before there was a pause long enough for Nadine to ask Elizabeth the question that had been at the back of her mind the entire tour. "Amelia?" She asked, touching Elizabeth's elbow to get her attention. Elizabeth took her hand and fed it through the crook of her elbow so that they were walking arm in arm.

"Well, I only managed a quick chat with her, but I must say, I think that she and Blake have been getting on like a house on fire."

"Oh boy," Nadine laughed. "The idea of those two conspiring scares me."

After more than an hour of wandering around the building they finally reached the part of the building that Nadine had been looking forward to seeing the most; the Royal Ballet's rehearsal rooms.

"I'm sorry to tell you, but the corps didn't have any rehearsals scheduled for today, but we can at least have a look at the rehearsal rooms to give you an idea of what to picture." Jane said, looking at a clearly disappointed Nadine.

"Oh, what a shame." Elizabeth said, squeezing Nadine's hand, "I'm really sorry Nadine, I hadn't realised they didn't rehearse every day, I should have checked."

"It's fine Elizabeth. This has been so wonderful just as it is."

"There's one last stop to make ladies. If you'll follow me, we can head up to the auditorium. As you may know, the current theatre is the third theatre built on this site. The previous two were destroyed by fire. The current theatre with its classical facade was opened in 1858 and in 1898 it was renamed the Royal Opera House. The theatre underwent a substantial renovation in the late nineteen nineties and this is how you find it today. I thought I'd take you into the dress circle and let you have a seat there and soak up the atmosphere if you'd like."

"That would be great Jane, we'd enjoy that. And thank you for taking such good care of us." Elizabeth said.

Jane showed them to the two central seats in the front row of the dress circle and they sat in silence as they took in their surroundings. Elizabeth sighed.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Nadine said. The colours, the gold, the eggshell blue in the ceiling, the curves of the balconies all contrasting with the crimson seats and stage curtain. It's so rich and luscious. It's one of the most beautiful auditoriums I've seen."

"I'm sorry we weren't able to see a rehearsal Nadine."

"Elizabeth, this has been the most wonderful surprise, it really has. I've loved every moment of it." Nadine turned away from the Royal crest on top of the proscenium arch when she noticed Elizabeth turning around and nodding to Jane; Nadine hadn't noticed that she was still at the entrance closest to them.

"Well, hopefully this will make up for it." Elizabeth said, as the auditorium lights dimmed. There was a brief moment of darkness and then Nadine gasped as the gold fringed crimson curtain began to rise and the familiar strains of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake filled the auditorium. Elizabeth recognised it immediately. She hadn't know what the corps de ballet would perform, but as soon as the music began she recognised it as the Danse des Petits Cygnes, or as Mrs Sylvester had referred to it when she was a child, the Dance of the Little Swans. As four ballerinas began the iconic dance, Elizabeth felt Nadine's hand grasp hers. It was the most beautiful moment. Elizabeth had been overwhelmed by the afternoon anyway, but being able to share this experience with Nadine, who still had a tight grip on her hand, made it so much more meaningful.

As their claps and cheers echoed round the auditorium at the end of the dance, the music began again and this time the entire corps de ballet made their way on stage for the entrance of the swans. Nadine grasped Elizabeth's hand again as soon as she stopped clapping and now her grip tightened and she leaned towards Elizabeth slightly until their shoulders touched.

"Oh Elizabeth."

Elizabeth turned and what she saw was arguably more breathtaking than the sight on stage. Nadine, face alive and enthralled had a tear falling gently down her cheek. Elizabeth smiled and felt her heart constrict at the sight of the woman who'd come to mean so much to her. She reached over and gently wiped away the tear with her thumb. They sat spellbound for the remainder of the dance, lost in the vision before them and their own thoughts, but still united in mutual joy and touch.

When the curtain fell and the lights came up, Nadine grabbed Elizabeth, holding her close and whispered "thank you."

"You're amazing." She said.

Elizabeth tightened her hold on Nadine. "So are you." She paused before adding "and so were they." She pulled back and wiped another errant tear from Nadine's face. "I think we might be expected. How do you feel about meeting the corps de ballet?"

A very un-Nadine like squeal was her answer and they left their seats and made their way towards Jane who was waiting to take them to the stage.

Nadine hadn't said much since leaving the Royal Opera House. She's been engaged and unreserved with the ballerinas and they'd been thrilled to be talking to someone as knowledgeable as Nadine. But since they'd left she'd been very quiet.

"Is everything okay Nadine?" Elizabeth said, worried about what was going through Nadine's head. They were back at the hotel and in the elevator taking them to their rooms. Elizabeth had wondered if she had been so quiet because she was uncomfortable talking with an a couple of agents in such close proximity.

Nadine didn't answer immediately, but when she did, she turned to face Elizabeth and took both her hands in hers. "Elizabeth, this has been arguably one of the most special experiences I've had in my life." Elizabeth was relieved. She was about to play it down when Nadine continued, "and it wasn't just the experience. It was that I got to share it with you. Thank you for including me."

"Nadine." Elizabeth interrupted her needing to be honest with her friend and disabuse her of her mistaken understanding of the afternoon. "This wasn't something I organised for myself that I thought you might enjoy as well. I arranged this specifically for you. I wanted to do this for you. Yes, I wanted to share it with you, but today was yours."

Elizabeth looked at Nadine; she couldn't tell what was going through her head. They arrived at their floor, and walked slowly towards their respective rooms with the agents back in their usual protective formation giving them more privacy. They walked together but Elizabeth didn't know what to make of Nadine's renewed silence. When they arrived at their doors which were opposite each other, Nadine hesitated.

"Elizabeth. I'm touched you did this for me. To be honest, I'm a little overwhelmed, but I want you to know how much it means to me. It's been a long time since I've been the object of something this special."

Sensing a sudden vulnerability in Nadine that she'd never seen before, Elizabeth hugged her. "You, my friend, are worth it and rather selfishly, it gave me immense pleasure to be able to so this for you. I'm so glad you enjoyed it."

"Hey, why don't you change quickly and I'll order us some nibbles and drinks to keep us going until tonight." Elizabeth said not wanting Nadine to be alone if she was feeling vulnerable. "Come across when you're ready and then we can meet up with the others before heading to the theatre." Checking her watch, she confirmed, "come across in about half an hour and then we'll have some time before we leave." Not getting an immediate response, Elizabeth thought she may be pushing, but then Nadine brightened.

"I can do half an hour. That's the one thing public service teaches you…a quick turn around. See you soon."

Nadine shut her bedroom door sighing as she leant against it. What a day it had been. She reached into her bag to retrieve her cell phone and noticed a number of missed texts. Checking more closely she noticed one from Amelia. All it said was 'call me,' and Nadine could almost hear the satisfied smirk in those two short words. She'd shower before calling. She expected that she'd need a little refreshing before Amelia's onslaught.


	7. Chapter 7

Elizabeth quickly ordered some cocktails and canapés, laid out her dress for the evening, stripped off the day's clothes and stepped into the shower, savouring the cascade of hot water falling down her back. She rolled her shoulders and neck, enjoying the heat seeping into her muscles; closed her eyes and languished in the heat of the water.

An image appeared unbidden of Nadine, face radiant, with a tear falling down her cheek as they'd watched the ballet earlier in the day. Elizabeth smiled at the memory, knowing that it would always remain precious to her. Thinking about Nadine, the picture suddenly changed and the Nadine of this afternoon was replaced with an image of how Elizabeth imagined her to be now, in the shower, just as she was and Elizabeth's eyes opened wide; _where on earth did that come from_. She shook her head trying to dislodge the image she'd unknowingly summoned, but found she couldn't.

Determined to clear her mind, she busied herself washing her hair and when that didn't work, she tried singing an out of tune rendition of the opening number from Hamilton. But nothing she did or thought about could erase the image of Nadine; hot water pouring down her neck as she tilted her head back under the shower.

Elizabeth quickly got out and dried herself, the memory lingering through everything she did as she got ready for the evening. Once she'd dried her hair, she sat staring at her reflection. This wasn't something she was going to be able to outrun, she realised; she was going to have to face it.

 _But where did it come from, and why am I so_ … and there her thought process came to a halt. She didn't know how to describe how she was feeling; but as she continued to study her reflection, she did allow herself to admit what she'd been avoiding — _I was turned on_. She'd recognised the instantaneous tug in her lower abdomen; the wave of arousal that had travelled through her body before she'd managed to compartmentalise it.

She thought back to the number of times she and Nadine had been together, and decided to put her analytical skills to use, to determine whether there was a trail she could follow that would lead her to the root of how she was feeling. As she considered the times she'd spent with Nadine, she couldn't help smiling at the simple realisation: _when we're together I'm happy_. She continued to review her memories of Nadine and was startled by how often they touched, or more accurately, how often she touched Nadine. She realised she actively sought the nearness of the older woman, seeking the comfort and peace she felt in the physical contact with her. Thankfully she knew Nadine didn't mind, which in itself made her happy.

The memory of an evening not too long ago came to mind and she replayed it, attributing an alternate interpretation to the scenario, and as she did, the memory came into sharper focus and took on an entirely different meaning.

They'd been at a formal State Department event and she'd worn one of Allison's designs. She'd been so proud, because people had been admiring it all evening. Later, she'd found herself with a brief moment where she was blissfully alone, and she'd taken the opportunity to survey the room, finding Nadine standing discreetly in the corner, watching her. At the time she'd been pleased that Nadine was admiring Allison's dress, but she realised now that while Nadine probably did admire it, the admiring look that evening had been directed towards her, not the dress. Elizabeth also realised that, while it may have been subconsciously at the time, she'd actively been seeking Nadine in the crowd and had located her easily, as if drawn to her.

Replaying the moment again, Elizabeth's breath caught, stuttering in her chest. Over and over she remembered the moment she'd found Nadine's eyes in the crowd, and she couldn't deny what she'd seen; there'd been more than a hint of desire in her gaze before she'd realised Elizabeth was looking at her. _Nadine's attracted to me_.

"Whoa." She tried to steady her breathing noticing it had suddenly become erratic. Knowing that Nadine was attracted to her shook her as she hadn't been for years. She continued breathing deeply as she tried to figure out why she was having such a strong reaction to the realisation. It shouldn't bother her; she knew she was an attractive woman and that men and women admired her; but this was different. It wasn't the knowledge that Nadine was attracted to her that was the issue. She was shaken by the discovery she'd made in the shower a few moments ago — she was attracted to Nadine. And the realisation that Nadine may be attracted to her as well, made the her whole self-realisation that much more intense and immediate.

Before coming to a firm conclusion, like any good analyst, she decided she'd test her hypothesis. Rather than wearing the black dress she'd laid out, she'd wear Allison's dress instead and see if she'd interpreted the data correctly. As she busied herself finishing her make-up and dressing, she suddenly felt a wave of fear. Checking her watch, she made a decision; there were some calls she needed to make before the evening began.

Nadine showered and dressed quickly. Tonight was a semi-official evening. When she'd called to ask whether any tickets would be available, she'd used the fact that it was the Secretary of State who was enquiring, rather than Elizabeth McCord.

She was wearing an old favourite, a tailored vintage Chanel trouser suit. She loved this outfit, it made her feel capable and in control and she felt like she need a little help regaining some control tonight. It was sharp, but revealing in all the right places; beautifully tailored to her slight figure with a plunging neckline across the front of the jacket. Even she had to admit that she looked fabulous in it.

She'd made the decision to leave as little time as possible to call Amelia, aware that the likely topic of conversation would be this afternoon's events; also aware of how her best friend was likely to interpret them. Nadine was having trouble enough figuring out how she felt about the day without Amelia confusing matters.

' _Why?_ ' was the question constantly looping around her mind. It had been from the moment Elizabeth admitted to her that she'd arranged the afternoon just for her. And she hadn't been able to answer it, or perhaps she didn't want to answer it; but she knew it was the question Amelia was going to ask, and no doubt answer, in her own outlandish fashion. As she waited for Amelia to answer the phone, Nadine braced herself.

"Well?", was Amelia's answer.

"What kind of way is that to answer the phone." Nadine scolded her friend. "It's lovely to hear you too Amelia." She continued, not willing to give Amelia any satisfaction.

"Hello Nadine." Amelia said, with barely a hint of contrition, "now tell me, how was your afternoon? It sounded like it was to be quite a treat."

Nadine couldn't help letting her guard down a little at the memory of the afternoon. "Amelia, it was wonderful. However did you manage it?"

"Oh, I had very little to do with it my lovely. It was all down to your Madam Secretary. She called me to explain what she was planning and asked if I knew anyone at the Royal Ballet who would be able to show you around the rehearsal rooms and perhaps arrange for you to sit in on a rehearsal. I have to tell you, that as intelligent and beautiful as she is, she's a bit slow sometimes — as if the Secretary of State of the United States couldn't get a peak at a rehearsal if she wanted to. But she was adamant that she wanted this to be a private visit, and not a public event and she didn't want to use her position as a way in. She wanted a personal connection and that's where I came in. Anyway, I gave her the name of someone who danced for me a couple of times and who has recently joined the Royal Ballet as a first artist with the corps de ballet, so I called and asked her what she could do. When I told Elizabeth what she'd suggested she was over the moon and so excited. She knew you'd love it." Amelia paused. "Did you?"

Nadine was distracted, trying to absorb everything Amelia had just said. "Sorry, did I what?"

"Did you love having the corps de ballet of the Royal Ballet perform just for you darling?"

"God yes. It was thoroughly surreal but so wonderful.' Nadine said. "Is the woman who helped Elizabeth called Susanne by any chance?"

"She is." Amelia confirmed.

"I met her after the performance. She was so lovely and gracious, but I wish she'd told me she'd been pivotal in arranging it for us; I'd like to have thanked her more personally."

"Well, Blake has her contact details if you want to drop her a note. How is the lovely Blake? That boy is a treat, an absolute treat. I need to meet him the next time I'm in D.C. darling, I have a feeling that we may be kindred spirits." Nadine laughed at that.

"Yes I think you might be, although I don't want you leading him astray."

"Mon cherie, I don't think he'd need any encouragement."

Sensing Amelia was about to get to the root of her demand that Nadine call her, she decided to try and wind up the conversation.

"Amelia, I'm sorry, but I need to go, we're all going to see Hamilton this evening."

"Yes, Blake mentioned it. And even with the time difference I know that curtain up isn't for a couple of hours, so why the rush?" Nadine grimaced — _I walked into that one_.

"We're having drinks in the Secretary's room before we leave." Nadine cringed at the small semantic white lie.

"All the staff?" _Dammit, she knows me far too well._

"Well no. Elizabeth suggested we have a few canapés and a drink before meeting everyone else. I think she just wants to keep the momentum going so she doesn't crash and burn." Nadine hoped that Amelia would drop it.

"So, you don't want to talk about why Elizabeth planned such a lovely surprise for you today? Or more importantly what that could mean?" Nadine had expected Amelia's tone to be teasing, and was surprised by the seriousness she heard in her friend's voice.

"Amelia." It wasn't a question or a rebuke. Nadine didn't know what she'd managed to express with that one word, but whatever it was, whatever silent plea she'd managed to emote, got through to Amelia.

"Alright Darling, I'll leave it for now — but Nadine — be careful my love, look after that heart of yours. It's a precious and rare commodity. It should be protected by you and cherished by others."

Nadine struggled to swallow the lump that appeared in her throat and she swiped at the single tear that escaped the corner of her eye.

"I will Amelia, I promise." Brightening a little Nadine said, "we leave for Paris tomorrow for a couple of days. I was planning a little trip down memory lane while I'm there."

"You old romantic you." Amelia laughed. "Make sure you go to Cafe Max and have breakfast while you're there. I went a couple of years ago and I couldn't believe it, but some of the waiters were still there from our long ago days."

Nadine laughed at the thought. "They must be as old as the Sacre-Coeur by now. I seem to remember them being ancient when we were there."

"You should take Elizabeth," Amelia said, "show her our old haunts." Nadine remained silent. "Nadine?"

"We'll see Amelia. The cafe has special memories for me, for us."

"I know my darling, but you should be making new memories. Whatever you decide to do is absolutely fine with me. Just stay safe and let me know when you're back in the States. I feel another catch up is in order, and this time, I want to meet Blake."

"I promise the next time you're in D.C. dinner at my place with Blake."

"Alright then. Have a lovely evening and send my best wishes to Elizabeth and tell her I'm looking forward to seeing her again soon."

"I will Amelia." Nadine was about to hang up but stopped herself. "And Amelia, thank you — for everything."

Amelia blew her a kiss before hanging up.

Nadine sighed. Amelia had gone easier than expected on her. For all her bluster and balderdash, Amelia's perceptive skills were impeccable and she'd obviously sensed a vulnerability in Nadine today that had made her put the brakes on her usual third-degree. She'd been gentle with her and that was almost more unnerving. But she wasn't going to think about it, and she certainly wasn't going to dwell on the outstanding question of the day: _why?_

She stood straightening her shoulders, took a deep breath, grabbed her room key card and bag and headed to Elizabeth's room.

She took a step back when Blake opened the door. He was wearing a big smile and a fabulously tailored suit; his customary tie discarded. He mouthed a silent 'wow' as he looked her up and down. She recovered from her shock quickly enough to acknowledge the compliment with a smile.

"The Secretary's just finishing a call in the other room." At Nadine's raised eyebrow Blake clarified, "Nothing work related, she just wanted to give Allison a quick call." Blake passed Nadine a glass as she put down her bag. "For you." Nadine took the glass as Blake explained, "Sidecars. They've just been delivered and I understand there's another batch on the way. Apparently they're in honour of our upcoming trip. The Secretary said that apparently the sidecar was invented in Paris." Nadine looked at the tray on the table where a cocktail shaker sat.

"The Secretary has her's with her." Blake said following her gaze. "They forgot the other glasses, so they're bringing them with the next batch. The Secretary's drinking out of the wine glass from the mini-bar. Daisy and Matt said they'd try to make it down before we leave. It was a little impromptu, and they weren't ready; luckily for you and me, we were. I was about to go out and have a wander when the Secretary called. This is much more fun."

He raised his glass to Nadine's, oblivious to the fact that he'd just answered an unasked question. Elizabeth had changed her mind. She hadn't originally intended to invite everyone; Blake, Matt and Daisy had been invited at the last minute. Nadine hadn't been wrong in thinking it was just going to be the two of them. But something had changed.

As she took her first sip, she saw Elizabeth standing in the doorway of the bedroom and Nadine caught her gaze over the rim of her glass. _Yes, something is definitely different_. The expected warmth was there, but there was something else as well which confused Nadine. It could almost be characterised as shyness.

"Cheers Ma'am." Blake said taking a healthy sip of his cocktail, and Nadine gave her a silent toast with her glass followed by a quiet 'Sante'.

"Hi Nadine." Elizabeth said, coming completely into the room. "That's a fantastic outfit." Nadine was pleased to see Elizabeth admiring it as she walked across the room towards them.

"Thank you Ma'am." Nadine watched surprise register on Elizabeth's face at the formality. It looked like she'd temporarily forgotten that they weren't alone, and that Nadine would always use the more formal address when there were other staff members present.

"Allison would love it. I should take a picture of it to show her. Would you mind?"

As Nadine posed for the photograph, she could feel it — there'd been a shift somewhere. The energy between them was completely different to the way it had been this afternoon, and it unsettled her. She watched Elizabeth line up the picture on her phone, a process which seemed to be taking a lot longer than it should. It was almost as if Elizabeth was using the phone to hide behind, to avoid looking at Nadine directly.

"You look beautiful this evening Ma'am." Nadine hadn't expected the words to come out as they did, but now that they were, she owned them. After all, Blake's presence made the words safer than they might otherwise have been if they'd been alone. 'You look beautiful this evening Ma'am' sounded infinitely safer than 'You look beautiful this evening Elizabeth.'

And Elizabeth was beautiful — stunning in fact, and Nadine would also include wildly sexy into the adjective bank she kept for the sole purpose of describing Elizabeth. "Allison certainly did a wonderful job with that dress." She added, recognising it from a previous event. Elizabeth had looked just as beautiful in it then.

Nadine watched Elizabeth lower her phone, finally revealing her eyes which she'd kept hidden as she'd taken the picture. Nadine was stunned. What was revealed was a look she recognised, but had never seen coming from the woman opposite her. It was a look of raw heat, and it was directed her way. She could feel herself disintegrating under its intensity. It could only have lasted moments, but it felt like they'd entered a parallel dimension where time stood still, and for a moment Nadine forgot that Blake was in the room.

Re-entry was sudden. Elizabeth turned away and Nadine felt the hand she was holding her cocktail with tremble. Thankfully there was a knock on the door, and Blake moved to answer it, but not before casting Nadine a questioning glance. She ignored it, more concerned with Elizabeth who was still standing with her back to her. If the steady rise and fall of Elizabeth's shoulders was anything to go by, then she was trying to steady herself. Elizabeth turned her head towards her, but didn't make eye contact.

"Can I tell her who the designer is?" Elizabeth asked in a voice lacking its usual confidence.

Nadine had to clear her throat before she could answer. "It's vintage Chanel." Her voice sounded shaky even to her own ears. "Let her know that if she's interested, I've more information on it at home that I'll send to her if she'd like."

"I will, thanks Nadine." Still Elizabeth avoided eye contact, ostensibly as she was typing the information Nadine had given her into a text. And then realisation dawned, and a shocked Nadine watched Elizabeth finish her text but continue to look anywhere but at her — the woman who could stare down Prime Ministers and Presidents, dignitaries and despots, was afraid to look at her.

"Another cocktail anyone?" Blake asked after seeing the waiter out.

"Yes please." Was the simultaneous response from Nadine and Elizabeth. Blake would have laughed if both women hadn't looked so desperately in need of a drink that he feared if he did, one or other of them might impale him on the mixing stick sitting on the tray with the cocktail shaker.

Ten minutes later Matt and Daisy had finally arrived and Blake was handing round a tray of canapés. Elizabeth was chatting to Daisy and Matt about how they'd spent their afternoons and Nadine was sitting quietly on the arm of the sofa, absently twirling the stem of her glass. She wasn't listening to the conversation, rather she was trying to get a handle on what had happened in the last half an hour. The memory of how Elizabeth had looked at her still made her light-headed and she had to take a couple of calming breaths as she recovered her ability to think rationally.

She was saved from her thoughts by Blake. "Blini Nadine?" He offered her the tray and she helped herself to a canapé, which she then proceeded to almost choke on as Blake continued. "Nadine, I don't want to pry, but what the hell just happened?" Nadine managed to swallow and take a sip of her drink.

"Jesus Blake, are you trying to kill me". She waved away concerned looks from the group across the room and she stood turning her back to them. "If you don't want to pry Blake," she whispered, "then why are you?"

"Because I'm worried about you Nadine, I'm worried about both of you. I'm the only person who really sees the two of you, and I've watched you grow closer and closer over the last few weeks. Then this afternoon, the Secretary plans this fantastic surprise — especially for you — and then, that look." He emphasised 'look' with a soft whistle. "My god Nadine, that look would have brought most people to their knees; it's the equivalent of kryptonite." Nadine raised an eyebrow, the _'really?'_ remaining unspoken.

"Well it's true Nadine and I saw you react to it." He looked pointedly at her hand which was now, thankfully, steady as a rock.

"Blake." She said, noticing that she'd used a similar tone to the one she'd used earlier with Amelia, half warning half pleading.

"I saw your face when I answered the door Nadine. You weren't expecting it to be answered by anyone other than her, were you?"

She knew she should lie, but Blake had been right; Elizabeth's look had been her kryptonite, and it had severely penetrated her defences; damaging them to the point that she couldn't summon the lie she knew she should give Blake.

"No, I wasn't." It was a simple admission, made quietly, but with it went her last attempt at denying her feelings for Elizabeth.

"It was just going to be the two of you until…"

"Until…" Nadine said, not knowing how to finish the sentence. Something had happened in the short time they'd been apart that had made Elizabeth change their plans — and now she had a sense of what that might have been.

 _How did I let this happen?_ She asked herself knocking back her drink. Life was about to get very interesting, very confusing or very complicated; or perhaps all three. If she was right, then it wasn't surprising Elizabeth was struggling to make eye-contact with her. If she was right, then she had no idea what she was going to do. If she was right, then the answer to the earlier question, _why?_ , no longer eluded her.


	8. Chapter 8

Elizabeth looked out the window of the converted Boeing C-32 down onto the English Channel. She sighed, turning the flight seat to face the middle of the private office that would be her sanctuary for the duration of the short flight to Paris. They were travelling on the modified military plane she flew on when it wasn't being used by the V.P. or F.L.O.T.U.S.. She much preferred it to the more basic military transport she and her staff would use when the C-32 wasn't available, and she was particularly pleased to be on it today. It allowed her to escape into the small office on board; the one she'd been in since before take off.

Y _ou mean_ _hiding in?,_ her better angels clarified. She'd given strict instructions to her staff to leave her in peace unless there was an emergency.

 _Chickenshit,_ the angels opined in unison.

"Yup", she answered aloud, agreeing with her inner voice. She pushed up from the chair, pacing the small room before lying on the sofa opposite the desk. She may as well try and get some rest, as last night, sleep had eluded her. As she lay there, she became aware of her hands, fidgeting, rapidly opening and closing the legs of her glasses and she deliberately placed them on her chest, stilling her hands in an attempt to clear her mind.

She knew her staff were confused by her unusual behaviour; at least Matt and Daisy were confused. She was in no doubt that Blake and Nadine were well aware of the reason for her Greta Garbo act this morning. Matt and Daisy however, were blissfully oblivious. She hoped that hiding in the office would give her the space she needed to think. Her head had been buzzing ever since yesterdays revelation, and the evening's events had done nothing to quiet it. Blake and Nadine had been nothing but their usual professional selves this morning. There was no indication that anything was awry with their boss — clearly they were waiting for her to take the lead. It was so typical of them both; loyal to a fault and caring more about her, than about any questions or concerns they may have.

As she lay there, wishing for peace, clarity or sleep, she found she couldn't even obsess efficiently; her head was a constant merry-go-round of pictures; pictures of Nadine; of the kids and Blake; of Nadine; of Henry; of her and Nadine together — on the sofa in her office, drinking champagne at The Ivy, solving problems together. Her brain was on overload, not helped by the incessant obsessing that had consumed her night and early morning; reliving, over and over the events of the past eighteen hours.

The staff had insisted on treating her to dinner after the show and they'd taken her to a Vietnamese restaurant not far from the theatre. Everyone had been buzzing; completely overwhelmed by the experience they'd shared, particularly the impromptu meeting of the cast after the show. Nadine and Elizabeth had laughed along with them, like the parents of three over-excited teenagers. But as much as she loved listening to her boisterous staff, all she'd wanted was to be somewhere quiet with Nadine, to talk to her about the show, find out what she thought of it, what it had represented for her; but she couldn't. That would have to be a conversation for another day.

From the moment she'd climbed into bed, images and reruns of events from the last few months began looping through her mind; and her brain became the equivalent of her own, personal twenty four hour t.v. news cycle and just as irritating. She'd tossed and turned — steadily watching the time tick by on the clock on the bedside table — she'd tried to get her mind to switch to sleep mode, but all she could think of was the overwhelming need she'd felt all evening to be close to her chief-of-staff.

From the moment Elizabeth had seen Nadine standing in her room, dressed in that stunning suit, she'd felt as if she'd regressed thirty years and was a teenager once again, unable to form sentences or even look Nadine in the eye. She'd used the excuse of taking a picture of the suit for Allison. She'd felt so exposed after her revelation, that when she saw Nadine looking so strikingly beautiful, she had to do something to avoid making a fool of herself, and the first thing that popped into her head was to take a picture; kill two birds with one stone, have something to hide behind as well as a lasting image of Nadine.

It was ironic that the plan she'd intended to shield her from a potential indiscretion, had actually caused her to be just that — indiscreet. There'd been something so intimate in the process; the screen, completely filled with Nadine's image, had given her a sense of closeness to her subject; to the point that she'd felt they were alone, face to face.

Her breath hitched and then become more rapid as she was drawn further and further into the screen and the brown eyes that captivated her. She'd felt exposed, despite the barrier of the phone; it was as if Nadine's eyes had been staring directly into her, able to read every thought she was having. 'You look beautiful tonight ma'am.' It wasn't so much the words that had affected her; what had been her undoing was hearing the words in Nadine's husky tones. She'd felt inordinately pleased and unexpectedly intimacy of Nadine's beautiful face, combined with her sultry voice, all focused directly on her; it had been too much. She knew she shouldn't have lowered the phone, but she'd honestly thought she wasn't going to be able to keep it raised any longer without it becoming obvious that her hands were shaking.

The waiter's arrival had saved her, but not soon enough to avoid Nadine, and no doubt an eagle eyed Blake, becoming aware that she was looking at her chief-of-staff and friend in a manner that was definitely more than friendly. She'd spotted Blake talking to Nadine before they'd left for the theatre. The fact that Nadine had almost choked on her canapé was evidence enough that Blake had been questioning her about what the hell was up with their boss. Blake had given her surreptitious looks for the remainder of the evening; she'd been almost as aware of his eyes on them as she had been of Nadine's presence next to her.

From the moment she'd been confirmed by the Senate, Nadine had been her right hand woman, literally as well as figuratively — although not always pleased about it. Nadine was only a step away wherever she went: walking from the elevator to her office, in staff meetings, in the car, during lunches, dinners, any official event that they went to, Nadine was there; ready to whisper a pertinent piece of information or name into her ear, to share a joke with to lighten the moment, to distract attention by dancing with Henry or as a confidant to conspire with. And last night was no different.

They'd sat next to each other in the car, and in the theatre; Nadine to her left, Blake to her right. She'd thought about letting Blake precede her into their row, making him a buffer between them, but when it came down to it, she couldn't. Despite the distraction, she knew it would be harder to be a seat removed from Nadine than to have her next to her. Although knowing what she knew now, she wasn't sure that would've been the case.

Throughout the performance, she'd been hyperaware of Nadine sitting mere millimetres away. She'd marvelled at how a petite woman could have such a presence. Elizabeth's senses had been on overdrive; she'd been constantly distracted by the soft scent of Nadine's perfume and the subtle warmth that emanated from her body. Elizabeth's body, had in turn, sought the comfort of Nadine's nearness, and her body's instinct was to move closer, despite her brain battling against it. It had felt as if, on a cellular level, her agitated body was calling out for the calm that it instinctively knew Nadine could provide. It was all so confusing; the longing, the agitation, and yet the peace that Nadine's simple presence gave her; Elizabeth hadn't realised that it was possible to have such blatant contradictory feelings simultaneously.

Despite her heightened awareness and the constant distraction, she'd found Hamilton riveting, humorous, intelligent and moving. By the end, she was so engrossed in the story playing out before her that during the final song, she was shocked to discover Nadine's hand in hers. She didn't know which of them had reached out first, it was possible they'd reached out simultaneously, but however it happened, she'd found herself holding onto Nadine as if her hand were a rudder directing her safely through rough seas.

The final number, was a moving and thought provoking song about legacy. As the show had progressed, Elizabeth had been hit by the reality that she was the beneficiary of a government and institution created by these men on stage. In particular, Jefferson, a man who before becoming the second Vice-President and then the third President of the United States, had been one of the main authors of the Declaration of Independence and the first Secretary of State. As the incumbent of the office first held by him, it was her job to uphold his legacy.

Washington, Jefferson and now Hamilton; their stories had been told. When Conrad had asked her to help him effect real change in the world, she'd been scared and excited, but most of all, she respected him and wanted to help him in anyway she could. She hadn't thought about the larger implications of holding the job. And now, by virtue of the office she held, she'd become a part of these mens stories. But who would tell her story? Was she worthy of the office and of history's recognition? What would her story be?

She'd already burrowed half way down this rabbit hole of doubt when she realised that she'd reached for Nadine; and holding Nadine's hand had soothed her fears and insecurities and calmed the rough seas of her mind. They'd continued holding each other, as they had so many times before; and in that touch, Elizabeth found her equilibrium again. She'd squeezed Nadine's hand; a squeeze of acknowledgment, of thanks, before letting go to applaud.

Lying on the plane, it was the ghost of the memory of Nadine's hand in hers that made her realise that the jumble of thoughts tumbling around her head were accomplishing nothing — and more importantly, she was doing the exact opposite of what she'd wanted to achieve on this trip — spending time with her friend. Whatever else was simmering under the surface of their relationship, at its root was friendship. Whatever else, it was Nadine's friendship that was most important to her, and her idiotic behaviour this morning was precious time she couldn't afford to waste.

She got off the sofa and perched on the edge of the desk. She was strong and mature enough to ensure she wouldn't damage their friendship by allowing any other emotions and feelings she had for Nadine to get int the way. She had to approach her relationship with her in the same way she would meditation - any thoughts she shouldn't be having would be acknowledged and let go — allowing her to revert back to her principal objective — Nadine's friendship.

There were a couple of quick meetings scheduled when they arrived in Paris which were to be followed by free time for everyone. She'd rather wander the streets of Paris with Nadine — if Nadine would have her and she could sweet talk her security team into it — than hide herself away in her room obsessing about something she could do nothing about. If Nadine let her, then she intended on using the opportunity to get to know more about the time she spent in Paris; particularly the time spent with Amelia.


	9. Chapter 9

**Apologies for the delay in getting this next instalment uploaded. A family medical emergency meant I've been out of commission for a couple of weeks, but I'm hoping to get back on track now. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and review this story so far. Knowing so many of you are sticking with it and enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it means a lot. So thank you again.**

Nadine watched as a small scruffy bird hopped along the edge of the low wall that surrounded the Medici Fountain. She was sharing the wall with a number of her companion's small feathered friends and followed them as they flew in and out of the railings protecting the fountain, enjoying the respite the green leafed boughs overhead provided from the sun.

Nadine studied the tableau of statues at the far end of the rectangular pond; Polyphemus, jealous and angry; crushing Acis with a boulder as his distraught lover Galatea looked on in horror. Despite the violence, Nadine knew that love triumphed. After her first visit to the fountain so many years ago, she'd immediately gone to Shakespeare & Co. and bought a copy of Ovid's Metamorphoses, discovering that after the events depicted by the statuary, Galatea turned Acis into a river spirit making him as immortal as herself.

Nadine had enjoyed passing time here when she was younger. During the day she'd wander the city's parks before her evening performances; the peace of the green spaces and sculptures calming her — whether she was nervous before a performance, or angry with Amelia. She'd also spent a lot of time here during, what turned out to be, her last few weeks in Paris. Over time, it had become clear to Nadine and Amelia, that they'd wanted different things from life, and that realisation had been the beginning of the end of their relationship. As much as they'd loved each other, they'd come to the painful realisation that staying together wasn't really an option given the divergent paths each was set on following — Nadine to law school and Amelia to prestige as a world renowned choreographer. The peace of the water and the beauty of the sculptures scattered throughout the park had always managed to sooth her, and had given her time and space to think. And here she was, over thirty years later, availing herself of those calming influences once again.

The trip, so far, had been a whirlwind of emotion, and as was becoming the norm, Elizabeth was the cause of her turmoil. Nadine was overwhelmed by her efforts to make yesterday so special. While she'd avoided addressing Elizabeth's motives, the previous evening's events had brought Amelia's words back to haunt her. Elizabeth had barely spoken directly to her all evening. She was clearly troubled, but at least Nadine now had a fair idea as to why.

While Elizabeth had been distant, she'd continued to remain physically close to Nadine. They'd sat together, just as they had at the Royal Opera House a few hours earlier. Their bodies — one north, one south — naturally inclined towards each other, unable to resist the magnet pull that existed in the small space between them.

Throughout the show Nadine had felt Elizabeth's turmoil grow; her instinct telling her it wasn't caused by the, as yet, unacknowledged situation they were finding themselves in but that it was more complex. It had been during the final number of the show that Nadine had become aware of their proximity and had, without thinking, reached for Elizabeth and found Elizabeth reaching for her at the same time. Nadine had felt a ferocious need for comfort and reassurance in Elizabeth's grip.

And still, over dinner, they'd barely spoken, but had once again found themselves sitting side by side; Nadine acutely aware of how often they casually touched, but doubtful that Elizabeth noticed. The evening had come to an end soon after dinner and Nadine had decided it would be more prudent to stay with the staff for a nightcap, allowing Elizabeth to retire to her room with her agents. She didn't feel that either of them were ready for whatever remained unsaid to be said, or for the inevitable awkwardness that would result from them being alone in the corridor outside their rooms. And it turned out she'd been right.

When they'd congregated this morning, a tired looking Elizabeth had announced that she needed some time alone and didn't want to be disturbed on the flight unless absolutely necessary. This was a very different scenario to the flight which had taken them to London, in fact it was very different to any of the flights they'd made together. The door to her on board office would usually remain metaphorically open, the staff wandering in and out; Nadine would usually be found in the office itself, sitting on the sofa, responding to emails as the Secretary worked; their routine in her mobile office mirroring that of Elizabeth's seventh floor office.

However, on this morning's flight to Paris, Nadine had sat worrying in the section of the cabin dedicated to senior staff. It wasn't like the Secretary to banish them, in particular, Nadine. She was experiencing something she'd seen only once before — her boss rattled — and more importantly, Elizabeth was letting her personal emotions affect her professionalism. The time before was when she'd returned from Iran. This time, instead of a bomb, Nadine felt that she was responsible. She knew it wasn't rational. The blame she was feeling was due to the guilt that increasingly reared its head as her feelings for Elizabeth grew, and knowing that her feelings weren't the cause of Elizabeth's confusion and uncertainty didn't help.

Her own feelings couldn't make Elizabeth feel something in return, and yet, she still felt responsible. She didn't want to jeopardise their friendship and she certainly didn't want to do anything that would affect Elizabeth's legacy as Secretary of State. She was an immensely capable and intelligent woman and had the ability to become one of the most respected and influential Secretary's of State in recent history; and could go further if she chose to. Nadine was adamant that she wouldn't let anything prevent Elizabeth from achieving either.

Half way through the flight, Nadine's ruminations had been interrupted and she'd been surprised when the door to the office had suddenly opened and a rejuvenated Secretary stood there announcing that she was 'open for business'.

"Can I see you when you have a moment Nadine," she'd asked with a smile that looked to be half acknowledgement, half apology. Nadine had entered the office with a degree of trepidation, but was greeted by a more serene looking Elizabeth pointing to the seat by the window indicating for Nadine to sit.

"So?" She'd said, removing her glasses, clasping them in her hand. "Have you any plans for your afternoon?" Nadine had been surprised — she did have plans; she'd even considered asking Elizabeth to join her, but had reconsidered after this morning's awkwardness. _Amelia would love where this is going,_ Nadine had thought, having a feeling that Elizabeth wanted to join her.

"I was planning on donning some comfortable shoes and revisiting some of my old haunts." Nadine watched as the cogs turned; Elizabeth was clearly trying to figure out how to get herself invited along without blatantly inviting herself. Nadine enjoyed a small internal chuckle — _as if I would ever turn her down_.

Deciding it would be kinder, Nadine had put Elizabeth out of her misery. "I'd planned to ask you to join me if you don't have any other plans?" she'd said. "There'll be a lot of walking, but I thought that might be quite nice considering we'll be spending most of tomorrow on a plane."

Elizabeth had groaned. "I know, why we thought it would be a good idea to go to Berlin for all of two hours, only to turn around and fly directly back to D.C. in the same day is beyond me." Elizabeth had looked down at the glasses she held in her hand and clasped and unclasped them. What internal debate transpired, Nadine didn't know, but with a big smile Elizabeth had turned her attention back to Nadine and said, "just as well I brought my running shoes with me then. I'm looking forward to seeing _your_ Paris."

"Well, a lot has changed since I lived there, but hopefully a little of what I loved still exists. At least the memories remain." Nadine had surprised herself at the note of melancholy she'd heard in her own voice.

"Nothing ever stays the same Nadine, but change isn't always a bad thing." Elizabeth had said, clearly picking up on Nadine's tone.

They'd agreed to head out on their adventure after their meetings. As the morning progressed, Nadine had became more and more excited about sharing this part of her life with Elizabeth. So, when she'd seen the White House's phone number appear on the screen of her phone as they were en route back to the hotel to change, her heart had sunk.

And her instinct had been right on the money. Russell Jackson wanted Elizabeth on a secure call in an hour. Calls like that didn't tend to be short and Nadine had resigned herself to an afternoon alone, accompanied by her memories and their new friend, disappointment. There'd been a silver lining though — Elizabeth's face had fallen and she'd looked as disappointed and frustrated as Nadine had felt. They'd looked at each other, each with a resigned but disappointed expression, but then Elizabeth's face had brightened.

"An hour — two tops. If you let me know where you are in your tour down memory lane, I can come and meet you?" The fact that Elizabeth had framed her suggestion as a question rather than a statement was so cute, Nadine couldn't help but smile.

"I'll be waiting." She'd responded — with a little too much longing if the look in Elizabeth's eyes was anything to go by, but she'd squeezed Nadine's hand. "I'm sorry Nadine, but I promise to be as quick as I can. Try not to have too much fun without me."

Nadine's first stop had been the Cimetière de Montmartre. After a stroll past the famous names etched permanently on the gravestones she'd detoured back to the Jardin du Luxembourg. She wanted her last stop of the day to be Sacre-Coeur. It was close to the cemetery, but she knew by the time she, and Elizabeth if she was able to join her, got there, it would be getting dark. Seeing the cemetery in daylight had meant a detour, so here she was, three hours later, perched on the wall of the Midici Fountain ruminating on the past and present. Her thoughts had been flicking between Elizabeth and Amelia all afternoon as she'd walked, old memories intermingling with new memories, and she'd been surprised by the unexpected similarities she'd recognised in the two women. The familiar ring of her phone rescued her from having to consider the similarities too closely.

Her heart jumped at the immediate feeling of hope that it would be Elizabeth on the other end of the call. She chastised herself for getting ahead of herself, but couldn't help smiling when she heard Elizabeth chuckle into the phone, clearly sharing a joke with someone — probably one of her D.S. Agents.

"Hey Nadine — you still up for playing tour guide?"

"Yes ma'am." Nadine said playfully.

"Alright then — Ted's letting me out to play, with only four D.S. agents and a couple of gendarmes. They've promised plain clothes and a decent perimeter, so I'm all yours. Where should I meet you?"

She could hear Elizabeth moving around in the background, and a whispering of French voices, one of which she could have sworn was Elizabeth's — but for her own sanity, she tried not to focus on the sound of Elizabeth speaking in French, considering she was already trying to control her reaction to hearing Elizabeth tell her she was all hers.

"I'm just leaving the Jardin du Luxembourg now, so how about we meet outside the Abbesses Metro stop and we can walk from there?"

"Montmartre?" Elizabeth said.

"Montmartre." Nadine confirmed, surprised by Elizabeth's easy knowledge of the city. "Ted will love it." Nadine continued, knowing that despite the crowds, there may be some benefit to the narrow streets when it came to protecting Elizabeth.

"Perfect." Elizabeth said. "See you soon."


	10. Chapter 10

A little under an hour later, Nadine was admiring the art nouveau design of the entrance to the Abbesses metro station in the Place des Abbesses. After the quiet of the park, it was a shock to the system. The square was a typical Parisian square, beautiful and some would say quaint, but it was a bustling jumping off point for visitors to Montmartre and Sacre-Coeur.

There were lots of people and noise; musicians and children enjoying the merry-go-round by the metro's entrance, people buying their vegetables from one of the many stands lining the cobbled streets that fed off the square like sunbeams. Nadine took a deep breath — realising she was nervous — which was ridiculous; but she felt as if she was going on a date; that and by showing Elizabeth around the area where she once lived, she knew that she'd be opening herself up to questions; questions that once answered would give Elizabeth information that couldn't be unknown.

She paced in a small circle, avoiding the tourists crowding in and out of the metro — the arrivals easy to spot due to their inevitable huffing and puffing having climbed 200 steps to emerge from the deepest metro station in the city. As she completed another full circle, she spotted Ted; it took her a couple of seconds; he was in casual clothes and that, combined with the different surroundings meant she was slightly discombobulated.

And then she glimpsed her — tactically hidden behind one of Ted's team, but as they approached her she came into full view and Nadine's heart gave a lurch. _My god, she's beautiful_. Nadine had been expecting her usual disguise when out in public — trench coat and baseball cap — but today there wasn't a mac or ball cap in site. She was sporting an elegant headscarf and large sunglasses, with a white button down shirt, capri length jeans and blue running shoes. Nadine realised that she was staring and was only thankful that she'd managed to keep her mouth from gawping as she watched Elizabeth move towards her in the centre of the beautifully choreographed protective bubble.

"I didn't realise I was spending the afternoon with Grace Kelly." Nadine said in greeting, surprised and charmed as she watched a blush spread across Elizabeth's cheeks. Her style was perfect for an afternoon in Paris — even Nadine felt a little too American next to Elizabeth who now stood smiling at her.

"Hi." Elizabeth said.

"Hi." Nadine replied returning her smile.

There was a short pause before Elizabeth said, "How's your afternoon been so far?" She removed her sunglasses allowing Nadine access to intense blue eyes and Nadine could see a hint of concern in her gaze and she felt cared for.

"It's been lovely, but I'll tell you about it as we walk." Nadine gave Ted her intended route and then began their journey as Ted communicated it to the rest of his team.

They walked a couple of blocks east from Place des Abbesses towards Anvers metro stop while Nadine filled her in on her travels so far. As Nadine came to a stop she said, "So, Anvers was my local metro stop." Nadine laughed as Elizabeth's head whipped round, like a puppy being teased with a treat.

"You lived around here?" The intrigue was palpable in Elizabeth's voice.

Nadine pointed down the street which lay before them, bursting with tourists and locals. It was a mixture of bustling shops, neon signs, coloured awnings covering stalls on the pavement outside shop fronts, all contrasting with blue wrought iron balconies set out from the white walled apartment buildings above.

"Rue de Steinkerque." Nadine answered. "Or to paraphrase the song — the street where I lived." Nadine watched as Elizabeth looked around at the street that had been Nadine's home for a year. The faces had changed, and perhaps there was a little more neon than there'd once been, but other than that, it was pretty much as she'd left it. She wondered what Elizabeth made of it.

"Wow." Elizabeth answered Nadine's unasked question. "It's frenetic. Was it always this…busy?" She clarified.

"Yes." Nadine laughed at Elizabeth's amazement. "This," she said, indicating the mayhem that now surrounded them, "is the reason that I can sleep anywhere, and to be honest, I still fall asleep more quickly when there's background noise than when it's quiet. If we ever wanted to lie in in the morning, we had to learn to block out the noise. Trucks would drop off stock to all the shops in the early hours of the morning, which was usually not long after we made it home after our evening show. It was particularly loud on Saturday mornings." Nadine said. "Oh to have that much energy these days."

Nadine slowed the pace, and Elizabeth looked at her quizzically. Nadine came to a stop and pointed to the building to their right. "Second door along, two balconies up." Nadine watched as Elizabeth followed her directions and found the spot. "That was our apartment." Nadine said and Elizabeth waited quietly for her to continue.

"It was a happy home." Nadine sighed. "For the most part." She began walking again and was aware of Elizabeth picking up her pace to catch up.

When she did, Elizabeth linked her arm through Nadine's, partly to slow her down and partly because she sensed in Nadine the same vulnerability that she had yesterday after the ballet.

"What happened Nadine? Why did you leave?" Elizabeth asked. Nadine considered the question as they walked arm in arm, enjoying the steadiness Elizabeth's closeness provided; that, along with the momentum of their movement, made the conversation less intense than it might otherwise have been. She knew that a grand declaration about her relationship with Amelia wasn't necessary. Elizabeth wasn't stupid. Nadine knew she suspected that they'd been lovers; their conversation at the Kennedy Centre had made that clear, but confirmation of the fact would very much depend on the answer Nadine gave. She decided on nothing but the truth.

"We wanted different things." Nadine said. "It's as simple — and as complicated as that."

Elizabeth squeezed her arm, turning to look at her, encouraging her to continue. She sensed she was finally going to get answers to the questions that had been swirling around her mind since she'd walked into Nadine's office to find her sitting on the sofa holding Amelia's hand. But her heart ached at the sadness she could hear in Nadine's voice.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Elizabeth said, but hoping that Nadine would finally open up to her; she was beginning to doubt whether Nadine had ever talked to anyone about this period in her life.

"I'd like to." Nadine said, laying her hand on top of Elizabeth's where it rested on her arm.

"I knew three things back then: I was never going to make a career as a professional dancer, I wanted a child and I was in love with Amelia; but I also knew that having a child wouldn't fit into Amelia's life — she was driven, and I knew that she'd never settle down to live in one place. It was hard; we still loved each other, but I knew that nothing would change and I had to choose — a life with Amelia or having a child." Elizabeth's heart broke for the young Nadine, having to make such a painful decision.

Nadine brushed away the tears that had unexpectedly appeared.

"But I don't regret my decision Elizabeth." She said looking at her companion and smiling. "How could I?; I got two of the most precious gifts of my life out of it: Roman, my beautiful boy, and Amelia, the best friend I could ever hope for. She was always there for me. I didn't really have anyone else. It was difficult in the early days as we negotiated our way through the terms of our changing relationship, but no matter the state of it, she was there and always has been. She's as much my family as Roman is. And what's ironic, is that they're very close; she's been a surrogate parent after all, although she'd deny that in an instant and insist that she's merely a very hands on god mother. When Roman and I were estranged, it was only through Amelia that I knew what Roman was doing."

Elizabeth didn't know what to say. She was feeling such a depth of emotion for the woman next to her, and was frustrated because she didn't know how to express it, suspecting that if she tried, she'd fail.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that Nadine." She decided on the simple truth. "A broken heart is awful at any time, but when you know you can't be with someone despite still loving each other, that must be excruciatingly painful."

"It was horrible. I spent the first six months doubting everything about my decision, but once again, it was Amelia of all people, who showed me that I was making the right choice for me. In spite of all the pain my decision had caused her, she still stood by me."

"I knew I liked her for a reason." Elizabeth laughed, feeling that Nadine needed the mood lightened a bit.

"You and Amelia have quite a mutual fan club going on." Nadine joined in Elizabeth's laughter remembering Amelia's initial reaction to meeting her boss.

"What can I say, we both have excellent taste." Elizabeth said, but Nadine noticed a change in Elizabeth's tone. She turned to study her, and was caught once again by the depth of emotion she found in the eyes of the woman looking directly at her as they walked. What did Elizabeth mean? Was she trying to tell her something? Was she now referring to something completely different?; something she couldn't allow herself to believe; wouldn't allow herself to hope for. This was becoming far too complicated.

Nadine was saved from the overwhelming sense of doubt and panic that had risen in her chest by the site in front of them. She gently pulled them to a stop and nodded her head in the direction she wanted Elizabeth to look.

"Wow." Elizabeth exclaimed. "That's one hell of a view to have in your back yard." She looked back at the balcony Nadine had pointed to earlier. "Could you see it from your balcony?"

"Just the tip of the basilica, but it was enough. On the mornings when I couldn't sleep through the delivery ruckus, I'd sit at the open window watching the white of the stone get brighter and brighter as the sun rose. It never ceased being awe-inspiring."

"It's beautiful. I'm assuming that these," she said, pointing down at her shoes, "means we're taking the steps to the top and not the funicular."

"Yup."

"Thank god, I love those steps. Lets go." And this time Elizabeth used their linked arms to propel them across the Place St. Pierre into the Square Louise-Michel towards the green, terraced gardens leading up to the Sacre-Coeur.

Elizabeth sat at the back of the nave, gazing up at the luminous mosaic adorning the apse. The vibrant blue and gold never failed to dazzle her; Saints, representatives of France, the Church and the five continents surrounding Christ with his golden heart. It truly was a remarkable piece of art work. She had a detailed knowledge of this church, as she did of many churches around the world, thanks to Henry; but for her, the detail was superfluous.

While not overly religious herself, there was something about a place of worship, whether it was a church, a temple or a mosque that moved her; they had an inherent sense of peace about them. For her, it was more often the architecture and the art within, rather than the religious connotations, that soothed her and gave her a sense of peace. Humanity's capacity for creating such beauty rendered her speechless; leaving her with nothing to do but admire in wonder.

The last time she'd been here had been with Henry. Stevie was still a baby and Henry had carried her around, whispering to her, explaining the church's history, how it was created after France's defeat by the Prussians in 1870 and was built in the Romano-byzantine style. She remembered watching the joy on his face as Stevie had gurgled with interest; or at least that's how Henry had interpreted the sounds she made. _Henry._

She looked down at her clasped hands, gently twisting her wedding ring and sighed. _What happened?_ The question came to her unbidden, and redundantly. She already knew the answer: they'd fallen out of love and she was under no illusion that Henry felt the same. Their jobs had become all consuming over the last few years, and as the children had gradually built independent lives of their own, the glue that had held them together had cracked and she'd realised that, without the kids there, they no longer had what they used to to keep them together. She smiled as she continued twirling her ring, picturing Henry's face. It was a face she would always love. He was her best friend, and she hoped that he would continue to be her best friend after she did what she knew she needed to. Her skills in reading people were above average, and she knew Henry better than anyone. _We'll be fine._

While she'd reconciled herself to her changing relationship with Henry, she was still struggling with her changing feelings for Nadine, particularly the constant need to be near her. Whenever they were together she found herself drawn to her, and often unable to stop herself reaching out. The tug her body felt to connect with Nadine was instinctive and strong; she was rarely aware of it when they were together, but became acutely conscious of her absence when they were apart. It felt natural to want to reach out and touch her, it was often an unconscious act and she wasn't even aware that she was doing it until she was holding her hand, linking arms or placing her palm on the small of her back, luxuriating in the heat that emanated from her narrow waste. It was the normalcy of reaching for her that struck her the most; it never felt strange or uncomfortable.

She looked up from where she sat, taking in the beauty of her surroundings and was immediately drawn to the area of the church where a solitary Nadine stood. She was studying the frescos on the walls of the side chapel; the Chapel of St. Louis, Elizabeth thought, smiling. Of course, Nadine would be drawn to the Chapel of Justice. Elizabeth stood up as she continued watching her, and as she did, Nadine turned finding Elizabeth immediately despite the area being crowded. They smiled, and simultaneously wandered towards the main entrance, dodging fellow tourists until they met and silently walked through the open door and out under the triple arches and into the sun. It was bright after the subdued lighting of the Church, and they both put their sunglasses back on and silently walked over to the rail to admire the view.

"It's beautiful watching the sun set from up here." Nadine said, looking out over the city spread out below them, a hint of an amber glow beginning to spread over the rooftops.

"I've heard." Elizabeth said. She reached out, and the D.S. Agent standing near by passed her the rucksack that Nadine had noticed she'd been carrying, assuming it contained either weaponry or an emergency first aid kit.

"That's why I picked this up on my way." Nadine tilted her head questioningly, but remained silent. "Follow me." Elizabeth looked out over the grassy area covered with tourists sitting enjoying the view. Then suddenly she began jogging down the first tier of steps, rucksack slung over her shoulder and Nadine followed. She wondered where on earth Elizabeth was going, until she spotted a rare patch of green at the back of the terrace. She followed Elizabeth through the gate and up the bank of grass, impressed with her nimble zig zagging through the various bodies sat scattered around the area. Arriving at the empty spot, Elizabeth planted herself in the middle of it, hands on hips triumphantly, as if she'd vanquished the enemy and conquered the area single handedly. Nadine shook her head and chuckled at Elizabeth's enthusiasm, and moved to sit down under the shade of the tree.

"Hold on." Elizabeth stopped Nadine and rummaged in the top of the bag. "I've got a blanket." She said, pulling it out and laying it on the grass.

"What else have you got in there Mary Poppins?" Nadine raised an eyebrow as Elizabeth reached into the bag again.

"Grace Kelly and Julie Andrews. I really am pretty spectacular today, aren't I?" Elizabeth said, and Nadine had to stop herself form agreeing wholeheartedly. Instead, she just mimicked Elizabeth's earlier pose, placing her hands on her hips, adding a toe tap for good measure.

"Okay, okay. I've got just what we need to sit and watch a sun set. Sit, sit." Elizabeth encouraged and joined Nadine on the blanket.

"When I knew I wouldn't be joining you until later in the afternoon, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for an impromptu early evening picnic. Being here," Elizabeth swept her arm over the view before them, "just makes it that much more perfect. So, I have," Elizabeth paused in a faux dramatic fashion as she reached into the bag, "olives." Nadine made appreciative sounds as a tub of mixed olives appeared and was placed on the blanket. "I have a baguette." Elizabeth brandished the baguette as if it were a sword and wiggled it at the statue of Joan of Arc behind them. "I have a tub of olive oil and balsamic vinegar for dipping, some gruyère, a chilled bottle of rosé, and most importantly, a corkscrew."

"How wonderful." Nadine clapped her hands together in pleasure. "There's only one problem though." Elizabeth's face fell and Nadine reached out to sooth the worried lines that had suddenly appeared, just managing to stop herself in time and reached for Elizabeth's arm instead. "Don't look so worried, I was just going to say that I'm not sure that the Secretary of State of the United States of America should be seen drinking straight from the bottle." Elizabeth let out a breath and Nadine laughed at her obvious relief.

"Aha." Elizabeth exclaimed triumphantly, "Now this must be why Conrad offered me the job — I'm prepared for all occasions." And with a flourish, she produced two plastic wine glasses from the bottom of the bag. "Voila madam." She laughed, taking off her headscarf and resting it over her forearm as a waiter would a napkin.

Nadine watched as Elizabeth poured the wine and laid out the food on a fold up platter that had been strapped to the side of the bag, enjoying the pleasure that was etched on Elizabeth's face as she carried out the simple tasks. Nadine's heart was full and she couldn't stop the prickling of tears that accompanied the feeling; she knew this happiness couldn't last. There was so much she wanted to say; she longed to be held, to feel the safety and warmth she knew she would find in Elizabeth's strong arms; it was overwhelming. But she knew she could never have that — would never risk any of that.

Quickly swiping the tear from under the frame of her glasses, she pushed the melancholy aside and resolved to enjoy what she had now. The company of the most beautiful woman she knew; a woman who filled her with joy merely by walking into a room, or directing a smile her way. A woman who had spent the last three days making her feel more special than she ever had.

Elizabeth handed Nadine a glass of wine, their fingers grazing. They caught each others gaze, and neither turned away. Nadine's heart pounded with fear and anticipation as Elizabeth raised her glass.

"To a wonderful afternoon, a wonderful trip and to us Nadine. I think we make a pretty formidable team." Elizabeth said gently touching her glass to Nadine's.

"To Paris." Nadine said, "to letting go of past regrets and to looking forward to the future." They each took a sip of wine and sighed simultaneously, laughing as they did.

"That's delicious." Elizabeth licked her lips, savouring the remnants of rosé that lingered there. Nadine suddenly found it difficult to swallow, and looked out on the vista before her to distract her from the sight of Elizabeth's tongue caressing her lips. They sat quietly for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts.

"I love this view." Elizabeth leaned back on her elbows. "From here you can see everything — we even have our own musician's." Elizabeth closed her eyes allowing the music from the street musicians to echo around her as it wafted up from the tiers below.

The hustle and bustle of an hour ago which had accompanied them as they'd climbed the steps had calmed, as if the frenetic energy of the area had cooled along with the sun. The area was still busy, but the buzz had reduced to a hum, and as the sun dropped lower and lower in the sky, the area took on a more sedate pace. Couples wandered hand in hand as they took in the sites before meandering down one of the cobbled streets in search of a local cafe for dinner, and the locals climbed the steps making their way to evening mass.

Elizabeth looked up at Nadine. She was still sitting upright, cradling her wine glass in her hands. She studied her profile and watched her take a deep breath, holding it briefly before allowing it to exhale shakily. Elizabeth was shocked; she'd hoped that her picnic would be relaxing and fun for both of them, but Nadine was unhappy.

"Nadine? Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked, sitting up and raising her sunglasses onto her head, using them to sweep her hair back from her face. She wanted to reach out to her, needed to touch her, to let her know that she wasn't alone, but she found that for the first time, she was scared to. They'd become much closer over the last few days, having spent so much time together and it had become second nature to be close to her. Touching Nadine was what she craved and it was that craving that made her pause now. _Dammit — you know you want to. Why else did you bring a picnic to watch the sun set. That's not a bit of fun — it's a romantic gesture. Admit it, reach out and comfort her you idiot. She's hurting and you can help her._ Elizabeth moved closer to Nadine and reached an arm around her shoulders. "Nadine?"

Elizabeth could feel Nadine shiver and was surprised as a sob escaped her small frame. Elizabeth didn't know what to do; so she tightened her grip on Nadine's shaking shoulders drawing her close into her own body; the need to shield her from pain overwhelming her. As she drew her closer, she felt Nadine's body lean into her and her head tilt until it rested on her shoulder. She rested her own head against Nadine's, and held her until she felt Nadine still, wondering at the absolute contentment she felt, despite Nadine's sadness.

"I'm sorry." Nadine whispered, and Elizabeth was relieved when she didn't pull away.

"You never need to apologise to me." Elizabeth instinctively tightened her grip on the smaller woman in her arms. "I'm here for you. Whenever you need me, I'm here."

"I know." Nadine said, resting a hand on Elizabeth's leg. "You know it works both ways, right?"

"I do." Elizabeth put down her wine glass and enclosed Nadine's hand with her own, softly stoking it with her thumb.

They remained that way for a few more minutes until Elizabeth's growling stomach reminded Nadine that Elizabeth had brought a lovely selection of food for them to graze on. She reluctantly extracted herself from Elizabeth's warm embrace and sat up, removing her glasses and daring to meet Elizabeth's eyes.

"You brought all these goodies; we can't let them go to waste." Elizabeth smiled at the woman who's face glowed in the setting sun and whose eyes sparkled with the remnants of tears. _She has no idea how beautiful she is,_ Elizabeth thought to herself.

"Alright then, lets get stuck in." Both women directed their attention to the platter on the blanket; silently acknowledging that neither were ready to discuss the emotional intensity of the last few minutes. So they sat, eating and enjoying their wine until the chill in the air signalled a final farewell to the day's sun.

"Well, that's that then." Elizabeth sighed as the sun disappeared below the horizon only to be replaced with the twinkling lights of Paris at night. "The end of another day. Thanks for letting me tag along. I've loved every minute of it."

Nadine smiled. "There's no-one I'd rather have spent it with Elizabeth. Thank you for the picnic. It was the perfect end to the day." They each held the others gaze until Elizabeth stood, holding out her hand. Nadine took it and Elizabeth helped her to her feet. They silently packed away the remnants of the food and together folded the blanket. They stood together, side by side and Elizabeth reached out and clasped Nadine's hand in hers, enjoying one last look over Paris.


	11. Chapter 11

Nadine woke with a groan; the memory of her dream bringing with it as much frustration as it did longing. Every night since their return from Paris the dream had been the same. Only once had she managed to escape into a dreamless sleep with the help of a few too many scotches. While they succeeded in obliterating the dreams, they did nothing to improve her mood the following day.

Each night the dream varied slightly, but it always revolved around Paris. Tonight her sudden wakefulness was caused by the sensation of Elizabeth's lips ghosting over her fingers. It was a memory that had repeated and repeated since they'd returned, becoming more intense with each repetition; it was as if the further Nadine distanced herself from the Elizabeth, the memories of her fought harder for survival, becoming more powerful as a result.

She'd withdrawn from Elizabeth since their return, detaching herself from the intimacy they'd created, and she'd succeeded in doing so without the loss of her professionalism. If she hadn't withdrawn, she knew that one or other of them would say or do something that couldn't be revoked.

Lying in bed, watching the neon dials of the bedside clock morph as minutes passed, she knew she should sleep, but like every night before, she couldn't; instead she relived that wonderful day in Paris: the walk along the Rue de Steinkerque, rushing up the steps to Sacré-Coeur, Elizabeth's surprise picnic. After watching the sun set over Paris, they'd ambled down the steps; their descent a stark contrast to their enthusiastic sprint to the top earlier in the day. Neither of them had been in a rush to get into the car waiting to take them back to the hotel and reality.

Nadine had reluctantly let go of Elizabeth's hand as they'd left the grassy slope that had hosted their picnic, but they'd remained close; arms brushing as they'd walked. But as soon as the SUV doors closed behind them, their hands found each other, their fingers gently entwining, and they remained that way for the duration of the journey.

The feel of Elizabeth's fingers so intimately interlaced with hers, along with the alternating caress of hands they both indulged in, charged the silence they shared; stealing Nadine's voice as they sped through the Paris streets which were aglow with the reflection of the street lamps.

Nadine remembered looking down at their joined hands, the protective strength of Elizabeth's in stark contrast to her own, more delicate hand. She'd reluctantly turned away. The simple sight of their hands, intimately cut through the silence. The significance wasn't lost on Nadine. The intimacy of this simple act was deafening, and Nadine knew that even Elizabeth couldn't have been oblivious to the implications, and the thought terrified her. Everything else they'd shared could almost be explained away; but not this.

Even though Nadine knew, with all her heart, that Elizabeth cared about her, their relationship had moved beyond the realms of friendship. Nadine had known it when Elizabeth gently wiped away the tears from her cheek at the Royal Opera House; but as she'd watched Elizabeth unpack the picnic and playfully brandish a baguette at the statue of Joan of Arc, her heart had lurched and it was then that she'd truly realised what they'd done. They'd fallen in love. Which was why, when they'd sat in the car, engine idling outside the hotel, she knew she had to run.

When they'd pulled into the curb, Elizabeth hadn't released Nadine's hand, but instead had raised it to her lips, whispering a kiss across her knuckles; the kiss that had woken her from her dreams many times since their return, including tonight. Elizabeth had held her gaze, holding fast to her hand, and said "Can we talk Nadine." Nadine had swallowed around the ball of emotion lodged in her throat. She'd muttered something about meeting an old friend for drinks that evening, her voice feeling even more husky than normal, as if she hadn't spoken in days. As she'd watched disappointment and then confusion settle on Elizabeth's face, she'd managed to force a reassuring smile on her own.

"But we'll talk soon Elizabeth, I promise." She'd leant across the seat, placing a chaste, but lingering kiss on Elizabeth's cheek.

"Thank you for a wonderful few days." She'd whispered in Elizabeth's ear. The answering shiver and slight hitch in Elizabeth's breathing almost made her relent. Elizabeth had tightened her grip on Nadine's hand pulling it close to her chest before Nadine backed away; knowing that if she stayed a moment longer then any resolve that remained would vanish just as quickly as the last shimmer of the day's setting sun.

Leaving the hotel later that evening, Nadine was determined to put as much distance between herself and temptation as she could. As she came out of the elevator, she found Blake walking towards her, his usual easy smile bringing a much needed smile to her face.

"Hi Blake — and what mischief have you got planned for your evening?"

"Nothing exciting." He'd sighed dramatically. "Here I am, in arguably one of the most romantic cities in the world, and I'm alone." Nadine couldn't help but laugh, enjoying the release it brought to some of the tension that had built up throughout the day. She'd planned on being alone tonight, drowning her sorrows; but looking at Blake, she couldn't help but think of how Amelia had taken to him.

"Fancy a night out with an old broad?" She elbowed him gently and laughed as his face lit up.

"Come on then — let's grab a cab. There's somewhere I need to go and I think you'll enjoy it."

She'd taken Blake to Café Max. Amelia had been right, it hadn't changed, and neither had the waiters. She and Blake enjoyed a sharing platter and overdid the number of carafes of red wine they consumed, and what she'd expected to be a painful and depressing evening, had turned out to be fun. Blake was easy company. He'd listened attentively as Nadine had explained her history with Cafe Max — her's and Amelia's.

She hadn't intended to tell Blake about her relationship with Amelia, but after having been so open about it with Elizabeth earlier in the day, she'd found it easier to discuss it with Blake. As the evening had drawn to a close and they were finishing the last of their wine, Nadine had asked a question that had been bubbling under the surface all night.

"She asked you to check on me — didn't she?"

Blake had spent an unnecessary amount of time swirling the contents of his wine glass before meeting Nadine's gaze. Even to Nadine he wouldn't betray Elizabeth by word, but the look on his face told her everything she needed to know. Elizabeth had known she'd been lying about her plans for the evening and even then, she hadn't wanted her to be alone; she'd worried about her. The woman was frustratingly wonderful; no matter that she was probably sitting alone and confused in her hotel room, that hadn't mattered. What had mattered most to Elizabeth had been Nadine. Looking at Blake's sheepish face, there was no denying the truth of it and she knew then, without a doubt, that Elizabeth was in love with her.

The realisation must have shown on her face as Blake had looked concerned.

"Nadine?" He'd asked before she'd waved away his concern. The irony of the situation she'd found herself in was reminiscent of the Greek tragedies she'd read in her youth. She wondered if fate took some sort of perverse pleasure in leading her to making the same painful decision twice, in the same city — the city of love no less — thirty years apart. She only hoped that her heart could withstand the choice she was about to make for the second time in her life and she'd prayed that Amelia would be there to see her through it again.

"I'm fine Blake." She'd reached out and patted his hand where it rested by his glass. "Thank you for looking after me this evening; it was nice to have company."

And now, here she was, weeks later, desperately avoiding doing the one thing she knew she couldn't avoid for much longer. She knew she had to quit her job and leave Elizabeth; but as miserable as she'd been merely distancing herself from the woman she'd fallen in love with, she couldn't bring herself to abandon her completely, not just yet. Nadine threw back the covers, heading to the kitchen and a much needed pot of coffee. She needed to put an end to this.

By anyone's standards, the weeks following their return from Paris were strained. Despite Elizabeth's efforts, she couldn't get Nadine to engage in anything more than professional conversation. The feelings of loneliness caused by the distance that Nadine was cultivating wasn't helped by Elizabeth being accused of murder by conspiracy theorists and Congressional vacillation over the budget. This meant that Nadine was busy deciding who would and wouldn't be classed as essential and who, in the event of a shutdown, would be furloughed.

Elizabeth was struggling. She was missing Nadine more than she thought possible given that she saw her every day. There really were few things more lonely than being in someone's company when the intimacy you once shared was absent. But every time Elizabeth tried to get some alone time with Nadine, she was thwarted, either by events or by Blake. She'd begun to wonder whether Blake was deliberately keeping them apart.

The only event that gave Elizabeth heart was Nadine's unexpected but magnificent defence of her when Russell had laid into her. It had been a sight to behold and Elizabeth had found herself more attracted to her then, than at any time before. She'd been fierce, and unusually for Elizabeth, she'd been happy to let Nadine defend her against Russell's tirade. She usually preferred to fight her own battles, but she'd found herself comforted by Nadine's fierce protection of her.

But now, here they were on the verge of a shutdown, having to decide who would be temporarily let go and who would stay. Daisy was about to start her maternity leave and Elizabeth couldn't shake the feeling that everything was about to change; hating the feelings of unease and fearfulness that lingered. During Daisy's baby shower, she'd sat quietly, watching Nadine, and although Nadine had been distant, Elizabeth now noticed a melancholy that hadn't been there before.

It had exacerbated Elizabeth's edginess — which was why she was probably feeling nauseous when Nadine entered her office. Time was up; congress had failed to reach a deal, so she was about to address those of her employees who wouldn't have a job tomorrow. The depth of dedication her staff had to public service particularly in these deeply partisan times, made her so proud. All they wanted was to work, to make people's lives better. They were dedicated to the jobs they were being denied, denied by the very people who were elected to make tough decisions, not to turn every small issue into a partisan fistfight in order to score petty political points.

Despite her simmering anger towards congress and her general feeling of unease, Elizabeth couldn't help but smile as Nadine entered her office with the final draft of Matt's speech. Even though there was a chasm between them, the sight of Nadine still managed to brighten even the darkest moments of her day.

She'd had a lot of time to think since getting back to D.C. and she knew, without a doubt that she was in love with the woman walking towards her, and she resolved that once the shutdown ended and they were back to full operating power she'd make sure that she and Nadine talked.

But for now, she found herself ranting about the futility of the shutdown. Her gut was screaming at her to keep talking, not to stop, not to let Nadine speak; that if she did, Nadine would say something she didn't want to hear. But she did stop, and finally allowed Nadine to say the words that made her stomach drop.

"Well, I know that this isn't the best time, but I really need to ask you something."

"Sure, yeah." Was all she could say indicating for Nadine to sit down. She sat down opposite her, her mind continually screaming at her 'don't let her say it, don't let her say it'.

Elizabeth wasn't attempting to wipe the tears away any more. She leaned back against the side of the bath, hugging her knees tight, trying, but failing, not to rerun the last few hours in her head. Nadine was gone, and all that was left was a gaping void. Snippets of their conversation ran through her mind, underscored by the begging of her subconscious that had accompanied every word that Nadine had spoken.

 _'…_ _personal leave'_.

' _…_ _going to be a grandmother_ '.

' _…_ _sounds like you know what you want in your heart'._

 _'_ _and it's not me'_ , she'd silently added as she forced a veil of strength to fall across her face as a crack had opened in her heart.

But the smile that had lit up Nadine's face when she'd told Elizabeth she was going to be a grandmother couldn't be argued with. There had been so many unspoken words hovering between them that Elizabeth had felt lost. All she knew was that she needed to support her friend one last time — to make things easier for the woman she was about to loose.

"I'm going to hug you." Elizabeth had managed to keep the words light, but she'd longed to hold Nadine just one more time. Despite all the times they'd touched, this was the first time there had been a full hug between them and Elizabeth held Nadine tight; resting her chin on her shoulder, inhaling the soft scent that would always be Nadine. The feel of the smaller woman in her arms had felt so right that it broke Elizabeth's heart. Nadine had squeezed her close, just as tightly and Elizabeth had known then, that if she didn't let her go, she never would.

Elizabeth had walked out of her office, needing to regroup. Hearing Nadine call her Elizabeth one last time had almost been her undoing; but she'd kept it together. Even later, as she'd watched Nadine say her goodbyes to a stunned senior staff, she'd managed to contain her growing grief. They didn't say goodbye again. With one last look, and a regretful smile, Elizabeth had walked away from Nadine, leaving her with the senior staff. She couldn't continue watching Nadine leave her, she didn't have the strength anymore. She knew Blake would have the D.S. Agents on standby with the car. He'd been by her side since her speech to the staff and she'd taken more than the usual amount of comfort from having him there. What Blake knew, she didn't know, but she knew that he sensed enough to be by her side, to give her strength — just as he'd hopefully done for Nadine in Paris. As the elevator doors closed to take her down to the waiting car, she'd slumped against the wall letting out an involuntary sob. But she'd shaken her head, determined to keep it together until she got home.

Nadine had been the last to leave the office, leaving her security pass on her desk. It felt as if she was leaving behind her heart as well. Distancing herself from Elizabeth had been so hard; even harder than when she and Amelia had separated. She knew that this was it for them. While Amelia remained a huge part of her life, she knew that she'd lost Elizabeth. They couldn't become what she and Amelia were, because they'd never been what she and Amelia had been; they'd never taken that step. Yes they'd become more than friends: they'd consciously and subconsciously courted each other and if Nadine hadn't run from Elizabeth in Paris, then she knew without a doubt that they'd have become lovers. But she had run, and their relationship would always remain unresolved.

Elizabeth was going on to greater things. Nadine was a political veteran and she could sense it. Elizabeth had grown frustrated with how things were done, and as she'd grown into her role as Secretary of State she'd developed a passion and hunger to become more involved in solving those big, complex issues that could only be tackled by someone sitting in the oval office. Nadine was not going to stand in her way — she'd made her decision that night in Paris. They'd been on the cusp of crossing a line, and once that happened, Nadine knew she wouldn't have the strength to resist — so she'd retreated as far as she could, while still protecting Elizabeth and doing her job.

Then, like a gift from the gods, Roman had called, and given her the perfect out. While she was excited about the baby, and moved by Roman's declaration, she could quite easily have been a cross-country grandmother; but she knew that this was the perfect resolution to her problem. Although it meant giving up a job she loved as well as the woman she loved, she could console herself with the fact that she would be able to have a relationship with Roman again. Once again her heart was breaking as she did the right thing.

But she knew this decision, even more so than her decision thirty years ago, was the right one. Elizabeth had the ability to achieve so much, and as hard as it would be to watch her doing it without her, she needed to — the country needed her to. America would never know the depth of pain Nadine was feeling, not even Elizabeth would know; however she suspected Blake and Amelia would know and that gave her some comfort.

Blake had put a call from Amelia through to Nadine late in the afternoon. She suspected Blake had called her when he'd heard Nadine had resigned, but Amelia passed the call off as a coincidence, and even more coincidentally, that she happened to be arriving in D.C. that evening. If Nadine hadn't been so sick of conspiracy theorists, she'd have called Amelia and Blake out on it. Instead, she decided to take comfort in the actions of those who cared for her.

Elizabeth was crumpled on the bathroom floor when she heard Henry's footsteps in the bedroom.

"Elizabeth?" Henry put his head around the bathroom door. Pulling her knees in closer to her chest and wrapping her arms protectively around them, she swiped at the tears that wouldn't stop.

"Elizabeth, what is it? What's wrong?" Henry said moving towards her, and sitting down gently next to her. "Is it the kids?"

Hearing the worry in his voice helped Elizabeth get her emotions in check. Shaking her head she turned to him.

"The kids are fine Henry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

"I'm still worried Elizabeth. Tell me." He said, passing her a couple of tissues.

"I'm fine, just tired. It's been a long few days and I got some bad news today and —" Elizabeth couldn't continue through the involuntary sob that filled her throat.

Henry sat silently next to her as she cried, remaining a solid presence by her side as he'd been throughout their relationship.

"Sorry Henry — I'm fine now." She wiped the tears with the corner of the towel that hung over the side of the bathtub and began pulling herself up.

"Dammit Elizabeth — you're not fine." Henry said, putting his arm out to stop her standing fully. "Look, I know I'm not your go to guy anymore, but it still hurts me to see you so upset; just tell me. What is it?"

Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bath and fidgeted with her bracelets. "Nadine handed in her resignation this afternoon — leaving with immediate effect." When Henry didn't respond, Elizabeth looked up at him from where she'd been focused on her bracelets. "She's left me Henry." She whispered.

Elizabeth watched Henry process the information along with her distraught state and was oddly relieved when she saw realisation dawn. He sighed, sitting down next to her and taking one of her hands in his. They hadn't been this physically close in a long time and it had been longer still since she'd felt this emotionally close to him; how bizarre that they would find that connection again at this juncture in their relationship.

"What a pair we are." He said, bowing his head and removing his reading glasses. She watched him and when he turned to look at her, they smiled softly at each other, aware of their fragility; each recognising that while they may no longer be 'in love', they still loved and cared for each other.

"You too?" Elizabeth asked.

Henry nodded. "We'll deal with me later. Lets talk about you first. Does she know?" When Elizabeth didn't answer Henry pressed. "Does Nadine know you're in love with her?"

Elizabeth shook her head, oddly pleased to hear Henry say the words out loud, something she hadn't allowed herself to do yet. "I haven't told her, not in so many words, but we've become closer over the last few months. We've become friends and somewhere along the line I fell in love."

"So why's she left?"

"She's going to be a grandmother." Despite the pain she felt, Elizabeth couldn't help but smile at the memory of the joy Nadine expressed when telling her the news. "She wants to be closer to them and they're moving from Myanmar to the west coast. But I think there's more to it than that." Elizabeth let out a hefty sigh of frustration. "Nadine loves her job, and as much as she wants to reconnect with Roman, and be a grandmother, I'm not sure it's enough to make her leave. But I couldn't confront her with it. I think if I had she'd have bolted."

"Won't she be back to tie up loose ends? Couldn't you get some answers then?"

"She's smart Henry. It's one of the things I love about her." She said, giving Henry an apologetic look. He squeezed her hand encouragingly.

"I got an email from Jay." She said, picking her phone up from the floor. "She's already cleared her office. The only thing she left is a file of resumes along with a short list of suggested chief-of-staff replacements she's prepared. She's apparently left a note saying that they'd all be perfect replacements I can trust and that I should just go with my gut."  
"Wow." Henry said, agreeing with Elizabeth's assessment of Nadine's smarts at making a quick and efficient exit. "She is good. But I still don't understand why the sudden rush to leave. Do you think she's realised how you feel? Does she feel the same way?" Elizabeth took a deep breath, analysing what she'd been contemplating since Nadine had walked out of her office.

"I think she might Henry — I think she's scared; whether it's of me, her history with Marsh or of a period earlier in her life, I don't know. But I would never have treated her the way he did. That bastard just used her when it was convenient and she knows that; how could she think I would ever do that to her?" Elizabeth felt a flash of anger at the thought.

"Whoa, Elizabeth hold on. Think about it." Henry turned her gently to face him. "From what I know of Nadine — she's loyal, principled, and absolutely dedicated to you and the team. I would say that its more likely that she does feel something and is stepping away to protect you. She may not realise that you feel the same way or maybe she does and she's done this to protect you from yourself, from gossip; to protect your career…" When he paused, she looked at him, wondering why he was hesitating.

"And to protect your marriage." They looked at each other and Elizabeth wondered who was going to admit it, out loud, first. She bit the bullet, needing to say out loud what they both knew.

"But she doesn't know that our marriage is already over, does she?"

"No." Henry smiled wistfully at her, "she doesn't".

"Henry, I'm sorry." Elizabeth needed Henry to know. "I've never been unfaithful to you. I need you to know that. It's just, somewhere along the line we've changed and I don't think either of us are what the other needs anymore."

"I know honey. I know." Henry grew silent as he played with the glasses in his hand.

"What's her name?" Elizabeth asked, with a wry smile. "Student or NSA?"

"Neither." He laughed. "God, either of those would be unbearable. She's a Professor at Georgetown. Her name's Ruth. She's younger, but don't panic, she's not Stevie-young. She's thirty-nine. I never meant…" He reiterated the words Elizabeth had used earlier, although she knew that in his case he was admitting to an affair. While she'd never cheated on Henry by deed, she had fallen in love with someone else, and if she was honest, the only reason she hadn't been unfaithful in deed is because Nadine had run.

"Henry, all I need to know is whether you're happy." She touched his cheek with her palm, thinking of all the times she'd done so as a precursor to kissing him. This time all she felt was tenderness towards her oldest friend. Henry leant into her hand.

"When I can disassociate from having been unfaithful, then yes — but I've struggled with it. I think the more truthful answer is I've been miserable, but there is a definite likelihood that I could be happy." He waited for her to speak. She patted his cheek and withdrew her hand.

"Then I think that now is the time to find that happiness again. We've been happy together Henry — very happy. We have three amazing children, and we've achieved so much together, each of us making that possible for the other with our love and support. I think that's something we should be very proud of and cherish. I know I always will." She kissed him gently on the lips: a kiss of thanks, of remembrance for things past; a kiss of goodbye. They rested their foreheads together and sat quietly.

"Elizabeth," Henry pulled away, focussing on the woman he'd loved for most of his adult life. "You need to go and see Nadine. Be brave. Tell her how you feel." He chuckled at the look of fear that appeared on her face. "Elizabeth, you were a CIA analyst and operative; you've had three children, you survived losing both your parents at a young age, you've faced down the most difficult leaders in the world — as well as being fourth in line to the Presidency — and at the moment, what appears to scare you the most is telling the person you love, that you love them. Notice anything contradictory in that?" Elizabeth playfully slapped his arm.

"No, nothing at all. This is Nadine we're talking about. I'm terrified."

"Well that's not such a bad thing. Tell her — get her back. Even I know that she's been your rock since you took the job. The two of you work together symbiotically — always have. I'm not saying you can't do it without her, but if you don't need to be without her then don't be. But first, you actually have to tell her how you feel and find out if she feels the same way."

"I know. I need both of you by my side Henry."

"Hey, you'll always have me in your life sweetheart. That will never change. You're the mother of my children, you're my best friend — my compass. These things won't change because we'll no longer be together. I promise you."

"I promise too Henry." She shook her head. "Henry…you've not said anything about it being Nadine."

"No, I suppose I don't really see a point. You've fallen in love with someone — it shouldn't and doesn't matter whether you've fallen in love with a man or a woman. The important part of all this is that you've fallen in love — period. Don't waste time worrying about the small stuff Elizabeth — for the first time in a long time — allow yourself to be led by your heart. Go and tell her."

"You're one of a kind Henry." Elizabeth smiled at him. "What time is it?" she asked getting up and walking towards the mirror.

"Nine thirty. It's still early. Go and see her." He made eye contact with her reflection in the mirror as she rubbed the smudge marks under her eyes. "You're beautiful — it'll be good for her to see you're upset. Go!" He almost frog marched her out of the bathroom.

She slipped on some trainers over her bare feet — deciding to stay just as she was — jeans, vest top and long sleeved shirt. She knew she needed to show Nadine some vulnerability if she was going to make her point. Madame Secretary couldn't be anywhere near this — it had to be Elizabeth. She ran her fingers roughly through her hair and let out a nervous sigh as she smoothed her shirt and looked at her husband.

"I love you Henry and I always will." She grabbed him into a hug and they held each other tight.

"I love you too babe. Now, go." They gave each other one last smile before Elizabeth bounded down the stairs and out the front door, surprising her security detail into action. She was so nervous she realised how relieved she was that her job meant that she didn't have to drive. Yes, she needed to be Elizabeth tonight — but the Secretary could give her a lift.


	12. Chapter 12

A weary Nadine opened her apartment door to find the lights on, music playing and Amelia standing at the kitchen counter with two glasses of wine ready and waiting.

"Chicken shit." Amelia said as Nadine dropped her bags at the door. Nadine shook her head wearily and walked straight into Amelia's waiting open arms. With the warmth and care she found there, the dam finally broke and she wept.

"Oh darling, what did I tell you about protecting that precious heart of yours?"

As Nadine sobbed into Amelia's shoulder, it felt as if her heart was breaking wide open; all the love she'd had to suppress, along with all the tension and loneliness of the last few weeks poured out of her and into the safety of Amelia's embrace. Nadine had no concept of how long she stood cocooned there, but she gradually became aware that her tears had stopped and Amelia was rocking her gently from side to side, soothing her battered soul.

Amelia took a step, back placing the tip of her finger under Nadine's chin, raising her head so Nadine had to meet her eye.

"Okay?" She asked gently and Nadine nodded mutely, still not trusting herself to speak in case it brought more tears.

Amelia handed Nadine her glass of wine and gently took her hand, leading her to the sofa.

"Tell me." Amelia said simply, and Nadine found she didn't know what to say or where to begin; so she kept it simple.

"I'm in love with her and I had to leave."

Amelia sat quietly, waiting for Nadine to give a little more, and when she didn't she shook her head.

"You know that makes no sense, don't you?" Amelia said.

"But sometimes it does make sense Amelia, you and I know that better than most." Nadine looked at her pointedly.

Amelia looked down at Nadine's hand which she still held gently in her own.

"What?" Nadine asked, surprised at Amelia's silence.

"Sometimes I think that letting you go was the worst decision of my life." Nadine chuckled, but stopped as soon as she realised that Amelia wasn't joking.

This time it was Nadine's turn to tilt Amelia's face upwards so she could look at her. "Oh my darling Amelia. You and I are so lucky, we have the most beautiful relationship. Thirty years of joy, laughter and love. Yes, there were a few tears in there as well, but there's no guarantee that we'd have had anything nearly as long or as special if we'd stayed together. One or other of us, or perhaps even both of us would have wound up resenting the other for the compromises we'd have had to make, and the resulting disappointments. Instead, we have this, and it turned out beautifully." She held up their joined hands. "This is constant. This is everlasting. This is love." She pulled Amelia into her arms and they held each other.

"I can't bear seeing you hurt Nadine." Amelia whispered.

"But I have you to help me heal Amelia. And I'm going to have Roman back in my life, a daughter-in-law and a grandchild. There will be so much joy in my life moving forward I'll hardly have time to wallow."

"But you won't have anyone to share it with, and you, my love, deserve to share your life with someone special, someone who loves you."

"Who knows. In time," Nadine's voice caught at the impossibility of the thought of loving anyone else, "…in time, I may fall in love again. But in the meantime, I'll have a lot to occupy myself with." Nadine smiled at Amelia's sceptical expression.

Nadine was saved from having to hear Amelia argue the point that even a grandchild wasn't enough to keep her busy given the schedule she was used to, when there was a knock at the door.

Amelia looked at Nadine. "Are you expecting someone?"

"No." Nadine said, beginning to stand, but Amelia stopped her.

"I'll get it, you sit; have some wine." Nadine smiled her thanks and sat back on the sofa while Amelia went to the door. She was sipping her wine as she heard the door open. Confused and intrigued by the silence that ensued, she turned around and was stunned by what she saw. Amelia was standing in the open doorway hugging a jean clad Elizabeth. As she watched them, Elizabeth's eyes opened and met hers over Amelia's shoulder and Nadine was shocked, not just by Elizabeth's presence, but by the drawn face and red rimmed eyes that were fixed upon her.

Nadine continued staring as Amelia detached herself and held Elizabeth at arms length. She couldn't hear what she said, but Elizabeth gave a wry smile and nodded.

"I'll leave you two to talk. I'm going to pop out for a little while and pick up some groceries." Amelia collected her bag. "Talk to her darling." She whispered as she kissed Nadine on the cheek. "Tell her the truth. She deserves that."

Nadine watched Amelia leave, giving Elizabeth a quick peck on the cheek as she passed. The silence that followed Amelia's departure was deafening; neither woman moved as they searched for a way out from under it's oppressive force. Elizabeth was eventually the first to move, taking a couple of hesitant steps towards Nadine who sat, nervously watching Elizabeth's approach. Even in jeans and a shirt, with tired, sad eyes, Elizabeth was beautiful. Her hands were fidgeting awkwardly in front of her, and clearly she was at a loss without her ever present glasses to occupy them.

"There's something I forgot to tell you before you left." Elizabeth said. Nadine stood and walked towards the counter with her glass, topping it up.

"Can I pour you a glass of wine?" She said, stalling to avoid having to begin the conversation she'd tried so hard to avoid.

"Nadine." It wasn't hearing her name that made Nadine stop, but the sound of the voice that had spoken it; it was quiet, broken, and contained so much pain and longing that Nadine's breath caught. She turned around slowly to face Elizabeth who was standing smiling at her; a smile mixed with sadness and even a hint of shyness. She watched Elizabeth take a deep breath and Nadine found herself holding her own breath in anticipation of what Elizabeth might be about to say.

"I've fallen in love with you Nadine." Nadine couldn't quite believe that the words had been spoken. She just stood there, her mind unable to fathom the reality of the situation. She'd dreamt of hearing those words, of saying them herself. So many times she'd fallen asleep to the fantasy of confessing her love to Elizabeth, that now she couldn't quite separate the fantasy from the reality. The reality that was Elizabeth, standing in her sitting room, telling her she was in love with her. And yet, she remained mute, unable to completely process what had just happened. It wasn't until Elizabeth gave her a pained look, apologised for bursting in and turned to leave, that she was shocked into action. She crossed to Elizabeth, stopping her with a hand on her arm before she reached the door.

"Elizabeth wait, don't leave."

She watched Elizabeth bow her head and take an audible deep breath before turning around to face her. Nadine felt off-balance being this close to Elizabeth again and she longed to lean into her, to feel the warmth of her body against hers. She could feel the subconscious sway of her body and took a step back to avoid the inevitable pull that threatened to catapult her into Elizabeth's arms.

"Elizabeth, I won't be responsible for derailing your future." Nadine longed to tell Elizabeth that she was in love with her too, but knew that if she admitted it was mutual it would only awaken Elizabeth's stubborn streak. "We both know you're destined for bigger things than an office at Foggy Bottom. I see oval in your future." Nadine smiled. "I refuse to do anything that jeopardises that."

Nadine reached for her wine and poured a glass for Elizabeth. She walked over to the sofa aware of Elizabeth following her.

"What is it with us and sofas?" Elizabeth chuckled as she sat down and took a sip of her wine. She entwined her fingers with Nadine's, sighing contentedly at the familiarity and comfort the action brought.

"I need you Nadine."

"You've got your family Elizabeth and you can have any political aide you want and you know it."

"But what I don't have is you Nadine. I want a partner, someone I can talk to; someone to hold me when it all gets too much or when I screw up; someone whose strength I can depend on when mine falters or needs a boost."

"You have Henry." Nadine hated saying it, but she needed to.

"Yes," Elizabeth squeezed Nadine's fingers, "Henry'll be there for me. He's my best friend and a great dad, but nothing else Nadine. We've talked, and we both know our marriage is over." Elizabeth placed her wine glass on the side table and turned to Nadine, drawing their linked hands into her lap.

"Nadine, whatever I decide to do; whether I'm Secretary of State, the Democratic Presidential Nominee, the President or ordinary Jo Bloggs, I want you by my side."

"I'll be the first in line at my voting station on election day Elizabeth, but with me around, you won't even get on the ballot."

"Without you…without your counsel and strength, I definitely won't get there. I need you Nadine and more importantly, I want you. I don't want what comes next without you. Whatever the outcome, I want you standing next to me."

"Elizabeth, I can't."

"Can't or won't?" Elizabeth allowed her first hint of frustration to show.

"I will not be responsible for torpedoing your career Elizabeth. Can you imagine the sharks circling once they found out — and someone would be bound to let slip that I'd had an affair with Marsh. It would be an unmitigated disaster and I won't let it happen."

"I won't be changing my mind Nadine. I'm in love with you — I meant what I said earlier in my office — we make a great team, and not just professionally." Elizabeth raised their hands and kissed Nadine's knuckles, just as she had in Paris. "Nadine, I've been happier spending time with you over the last few months than I have been in a long time. I feel alive again and I feel loved."

Elizabeth watched and was heartened to see a small chink appear in Nadine's defences.

"You are loved Elizabeth; so much." The need Elizabeth heard in Nadine's voice and the depth of emotion in her eyes, broke the last remnant of self-control Elizabeth had. Reaching her free hand behind Nadine's head, she entangled her fingers in Nadine's curls, caressing the soft nape of her neck. She gently pulled Nadine's head towards her and paused, only for an instant, watching as Nadine's breathing became more rapid and her eyes darkened and closed just before their lips met. Elizabeth sighed into the kiss. The softness and warmth of Nadine's lips on hers didn't disappoint.

The kiss was tender, but filled with so much longing that it overwhelmed Elizabeth. She wanted more; she desperately needed to show Nadine just how much she loved her. She tentatively allowed her tongue to navigate the contours of Nadine's lips, desperately wanting more but trying to restrain herself. As she gently tugged at Nadine's lower lip with her teeth, Nadine's lips became just as eager and Elizabeth had to catch her breath as Nadine opened them, welcoming Elizabeth fully. The taste of the woman she had dreamt of, had come to respect and love was exquisite, a combination of coffee, wine and something singularly Nadine. It was a heady combination and as they finally abandoned the restraint they'd been fighting for so long, the resulting passion threatened to overwhelm them both.

Neither knew how much time passed, but when they'd finally had their fill of exploration, Elizabeth found herself leaning back on the arm rest of the sofa, with Nadine cradled in her arms, her small frame resting partially on top of her. It was the most content she'd felt in she didn't know how long. She allowed her hand to gently stroke the contours of Nadine's back as she nuzzled the curls on her temple.

"It feels so right to finally have you in my arms Nadine." She smiled as she felt Nadine tighten her hold on her in silent acknowledgement. "I'm not going to lie to you; when I realised what was happening; that I was attracted to you and falling in love with you, I was terrified."

"I noticed." Nadine chuckled into Elizabeth's chest and then squealed as Elizabeth ticked her side. Nadine looked up in to the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, so full of love, just for her. "London?" Elizabeth nodded.

"Sometime between the Royal Opera House and cocktails?" Elizabeth nodded and Nadine was charmed once again when she saw Elizabeth blush.

"Oh, this I need to hear." Nadine teased. Elizabeth bowed her head and gave an embarrassed chuckle.

"I was in the shower getting ready." Elizabeth halted as Nadine waggled her eyebrows. "It wasn't like that." Elizabeth laughed and kissed Nadine's nose. "I was in the shower and I was thinking about how much I'd enjoyed the day and suddenly I had a vision of you getting ready for the evening, and…well it changed everything."

"And what was I doing in this vision?" Nadine prompted, genuinely curious, but also enjoying teasing Elizabeth.

"Well, you were having a shower as well. And you were beautiful." Elizabeth's voice had become quiet and serious. "And it completely threw me. Then that evening, I felt so out of my depth when I saw you. You looked so sexy in that suit. I wanted you so much, I didn't know what to do with myself." Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at her own admission. "It's not often I feel out of control like that. But you do seem to bring it out in me."

Nadine leant in, kissing Elizabeth thoroughly, delighted and thrilled by her admission and needing to reassure her.

"You were so adorable." Nadine said, curling herself more tightly into Elizabeth's embrace, "and when I figured out what had changed, well, I was terrified too." Nadine hesitated.

"What is it sweetheart?" Elizabeth said. Nadine could have cried at the tenderness of the endearment.

"This has become so much more complicated. I just can't see how we can make this work without risking your future."

Elizabeth sighed and kissed Nadine, the kiss becoming instantly heated. Gently pulling back, Elizabeth looked intently at Nadine, tenderly stroking her cheek and eyebrows, before settling on her mouth.

"Nadine, I love you. I want to be a part of your life. I want to meet Roman, and watch you be the most overindulgent grandmother in the world. I think I've loved you for longer than either of us may have guessed. I remember that first day I walked into your office and found you sitting holding hands with Amelia. It really threw me. I ended up back in my office, trying not to act like a kid. I was distracted, and I didn't know why, but I hated the fact that you were holding hands with someone, and even more irrationally, I was pissed off that it wasn't me, and that does sound like a stroppy teenager. So even then, somewhere within me, I knew that I wanted you all to myself." Elizabeth was surprised by Nadine's laughter. "What's so funny?"

"Promise me, that whatever happens, you won't ever mention that to Amelia." Nadine kissed the corner of Elizabeth's lips, the most accessible part of her from the angle she was lying at.

"Okay, but why not?"

"Because she called it, even then, and she'd be even more insufferable if she knew that she'd been even vaguely on the money. She said at the time that she thought you were overly intrigued by our hand holding. She even went so far as to suggest I make a pass." Nadine chuckled at the shocked expression on Elizabeth's face.

"Wow, who knew I could be that obvious."

"Well, if it's any comfort, it was only obvious to Amelia. I think she has a sixth sense about these things."

"Or maybe it's only where you're concerned that she has it." Elizabeth said, irritated by the tinge of jealousy she heard in her voice.

"Elizabeth?" Nadine sat up, resting her hand on Elizabeth's chest to steady herself.

"I'm sorry, it's just that all these months, I've wondered about you and Amelia and craved the intimacy that you share with her. Selfishly, I wanted it for myself, and to be honest, I'm a little intimidated as well as being a little jealous." Elizabeth lowered her eyes, and began slowly stroking the area of exposed soft skin where the top of Nadine's shirt was open. Nadine remained silent, and Elizabeth knew she was watching her fingers as they caressed her. Elizabeth loved being able to see how her touch affected Nadine: the increasing rate of the rise and fall of her chest, the rapid shallow breaths. Emboldened, she allowed her fingers to wander and she caressed the upper curve of Nadine's breast, stopping only when she heard Nadine's breath hitch.

"Elizabeth." The breathiness, combined with the desire evident in Nadine's voice thrilled Elizabeth, and she found her body involuntarily arching upwards towards Nadine.

"Oh God Nadine, kiss me please." Elizabeth begged, desperate for Nadine to claim her mouth, to reinforce the desire she'd seen in Nadine's dark eyes. She tightened her arms around her and in the process adjusted their positions so that Nadine was lying on top of her setting off a further explosion of feelings. When their breathlessness became too much they finally drew apart.

It took them some time to get their breathing under control, but they kept the connection between them, eyes locked alternately on lips and eyes.

"Elizabeth, I swear, you have nothing to worry about. I love Amelia, but I'm in love with you." Nadine couldn't help smiling at the big grin her declaration produced on Elizabeth's face. She realised that was the first time she'd actually said the words; told Elizabeth that she was in love with her, and she savoured the moment; felt the absolute bone deep truth of it. "I love you Elizabeth McCord…and I've no idea what we're going to do about it."

Elizabeth shot her a mischievous and lascivious look.

"And no, that's not what I'm talking about." Nadine gave Elizabeth a quick kiss and sat up, ignoring Elizabeth's protest as she did so. She ran her fingers through her hair as she watched Elizabeth sit up, enjoying watching Elizabeth pout at being denied further distractions. Nadine was sure from the look on Elizabeth's face that she'd been thoroughly enjoying their previous position on the sofa. But as cute as a pouting Elizabeth was, she knew they had to have a more serious conversation.

"So." Elizabeth prompted having quickly re-orientated herself into serious mode. "You know how I feel about you and what I want. But, what do you want Nadine."

Nadine still couldn't get past her earlier fears and she was about to repeat her earlier comments, when Elizabeth stopped her and took her hand.

"Before you answer, please, take out all the extraneous detritus from the equation. This is you and me we're talking about, and I want to know what it is that you want from this. You and me, in your apartment, having just made out on your sofa." Elizabeth grinned at Nadine's blushing cheeks. "And if I'm not mistaken, I think it was a pretty great make out session." Elizabeth kissed Nadine again, to prove her point.

"It's just us Nadine. So what do you want." Nadine felt the intensity of Elizabeth's gaze on her, willing her to answer the question honestly. Despite the hours she'd lain awake, convincing herself over and over that this could never work, looking at Elizabeth now, seeing her strength and determination as well as so much love, affection and desire, she knew that the equation wasn't as complicated as she'd initially thought.

"You Elizabeth. I want you; I want us. I want to explore the world with you. I want to hold your hand at the ballet or cuddled on on the sofa eating ice cream and watching a film in front of a fire, or even just to sit in silence together. I want to work by your side, doing everything we can to make the world a better place. I want our days to end curled in each others arms. I want long Sunday mornings in bed making love. I want all of it." Nadine stroked the hair from Elizabeth's face where it'd fallen as she'd tilted her head, moved by Nadine's words. Nadine leaned forward and kissed Elizabeth with a tenderness Elizabeth hadn't expected.

"But we both know that that's not possible." Nadine said, sadness clear in her voice.

"No Nadine, I don't know it's not possible. Why can't it be? You're single. I'm effectively single, and will be legally so in due course. Sure, we can't be gung-ho about this, but if it's what we both want, then we can work towards achieving it. If we want it enough — and I do, and I'm pretty sure you do too — then with the support of the team and the people who love us, this is doable. I'm not giving up on us Nadine — we're lucky if we fall in love once in a lifetime, and I've been lucky enough to have fallen in love twice.

I love you Nadine and that's not going to change. We can either be miserable and apart, or we can be together: working together and having those long lazy Sunday mornings together," she winked at Nadine, "and we can make this a success. We're a team Nadine, and we can achieve anything if we want it enough. Please — tell me that you want it enough?" Elizabeth waited for an answer, hoping that she hadn't misjudged the situation or overestimated Nadine's feelings for her. Elizabeth watched as a raft of emotions tumbled across Nadine's face, all of them finally replaced by warm, calm eyes, and a soft smile.

"I want it Elizabeth, I want it all and I'll do everything within my power to make it work because I love you Elizabeth McCord."

Elizabeth released the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding and laughed, pulling Nadine into a massive hug. "I love you too. We're going to make this work Nadine; you're stuck with me now, you know."

Elizabeth claimed Nadine's lips again in a kiss of promise for the future. The kiss developed into such a passionate declaration of love that neither of them heard the soft knock on the apartment door and Amelia entering until they were startled by Amelia's thoughts on the scene before her.

"Well, my darlings, it's about bloody time!"


End file.
